Stand before you
Trying to read
Your body language
And failing.
Having shared
My deepest truth
Who I am.
Many would label me
Mentally ill.
Doing nothing
Is killing me
Each passing day.
It's not a fad
Or sexual fetish
Just whom I am.
With or without
Your approval
And support
I must go forward.
Living my life
As meant to
Regardless
Of our relationship.
Knowing
You'll blame yourself
In my need for change
Please understand
Nothing you have done
Or didn't do
Has cause this.
I'll always love you
No matter
Your answer.
Therisa © 2018
Author’s note: Whether we label ourselves; as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered.
The hardest thing is coming out of the closet to our love ones and friends. I say this, from
very personal experience of outing myself to my mom, on July 1, 2006 (Canada Day). I
wasn’t prepared for her sudden arrival at my apartment, having promising me that she
would leave alone on for the holiday long weekend. I tried to explain, her eldest “son”
was her “daughter” that nature had denied her, so cruelly with a stillborn birth, before me.
Being depressed, in my default emotional state. In the past decade, I have been depressed,
even though, I have taken several different types of antidepressant. At one time, it was a
cocktail of 4 different drugs. Sadly, my body reacted strongly against most of these
medications.
Her outright rejection, fueled by ignorance and fear, tipped me, into a month long suicidal
depression that almost ended my life, on July 3rd and 4th, as I reached out to a friend. Who
spent several hours over the phone, talking. Walking me back, from the ledge that I was
going to end my life, with a sharp object, in the bathtub.
