The Dreaded Talk (December 22, 2018)

Stand before you

Trying to read

Your body language

And failing.

Having shared

My deepest truth

Who I am.

Many would label me

Mentally ill.

Doing nothing

Is killing me

Each passing day.

It's not a fad

Or sexual fetish

Just whom I am.

With or without

Your approval

And support

I must go forward.

Living my life

As meant to

Regardless

Of our relationship.

Knowing

You'll blame yourself

In my need for change

Please understand

Nothing you have done

Or didn't do

Has cause this.

I'll always love you

No matter

Your answer.

Therisa © 2018

Author’s note: Whether we label ourselves; as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered.

The hardest thing is coming out of the closet to our love ones and friends. I say this, from

very personal experience of outing myself to my mom, on July 1, 2006 (Canada Day). I

wasn’t prepared for her sudden arrival at my apartment, having promising me that she

would leave alone on for the holiday long weekend. I tried to explain, her eldest “son”

was her “daughter” that nature had denied her, so cruelly with a stillborn birth, before me.

Being depressed, in my default emotional state. In the past decade, I have been depressed,

even though, I have taken several different types of antidepressant. At one time, it was a

cocktail of 4 different drugs. Sadly, my body reacted strongly against most of these

medications.

Her outright rejection, fueled by ignorance and fear, tipped me, into a month long suicidal

depression that almost ended my life, on July 3rd and 4th, as I reached out to a friend. Who

spent several hours over the phone, talking. Walking me back, from the ledge that I was

going to end my life, with a sharp object, in the bathtub.