Friday 28 October 2016

Dark Side Of Hallowe'en (October 27, 2016)

See you
Prancing around
Like it is
A huge joke.

In wearing
Those cheap 
Halloween wigs.

Taking selfies
To post
On your Facebook 

Saddened me
To my soul's core.

I know
You'll never understand
Why I am feeling 
This way.

For you
It's a one time 


For people
Like myself
It's a lifetime

It's blazing
A different path
That society
Is reluctantly slow
In accepting.

Having experienced
First hand
The darker side
Of humanity
And trans-bashing.

Until like
Those reality shows
On the TV.

Only showing
The lighter side.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: Yesterday (October 27, 2016), the local public library branch held a puppet show, for the kids, which, afterwards, three teenagers goofed around, with the wigs and taking selfies. Wanted to say something, but was scared, I would be labelled, as oversensitive, for my reactions to these teens. I know, they meant nothing, but it still hurt.

Wednesday 26 October 2016

Beyond The Pale (October 26, 2016) Inbox x

How can you
Be objective
In judging me?

When you don't know
Who I am
Or the experience
I have lived.

And yet
You sit
In absolute judgement
Condemning me
On sight

Having never uttered
A single word
To you.

Tell me
Where is
Your impartiality?

To you
I am 
An offending piece
Of human flesh
That's condemned
To Hell.


For challenging
Your notion
On what gender
And sexuality

In defiling
What the "Holy Book" says
Is acceptable
For society.

Thing is
I don't believe
In this Book.

Or those
Who wrote it.

Sad part is
Your very actions
Goes against
The holy Book

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: Its interesting, how it's those, who protested the loudest, are the ones, who are guilty of the crime, they claim others are committing against them.And for the record, I have experience this reaction, several times, from total strangers, re-inforcing my feelings, for not following one of the three major religions.

Monday 24 October 2016

An Autumn Memory (October 24, 2016)

The asphalt canyons
A cold wind blows.

With it
A hint of winter
And the coming snow.

As brilliant hued leaves
Of various shapes
And sizes
Release their grip
From trees.

Swirling around
In soft eddies
Before landing
At one's feet.

Like Mother Nature's
Own organic confetti
Littering sidewalks
And streets.

Raking leaves
Into huge piles
By laughing kids
As they jumped onto.

They toss
Giant handful
Into air.

Covering them
Like falling snow.

They stuff
Large paper bags
By the curbside
For pick-up.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: A childhood memory.

Saturday 22 October 2016

A Time Of Healing And Sorrow (October 22, 2016)

At least
For the time being
Are the fall rainstorms.

The past 72 hours
Has been nourishing
A land.

Long parched
From a hot
And very humid

The land cries out
"Thank you".

My soul
Starts to whither
Under these cascading

Reaching out
In desperation
For the golden rays
Of the sun
Upon it.

Each passing day
A small part dies
In the growing darkness
Of Fall and Winter.

Spring's arrival
With the longer days
Of light and warmth
Upon my soul.

Until then
By any means.

As SAD digs
Its ruthless talons
Tainted by
A merciless depression
Into my soul.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: During my first year (1990), at Carleton University, in Ottawa, Ontario, I suffered my first noticeable case of seasonal adjustment disorder (SAD), Starting, in late September and ending, in November, it was constantly raining. In October, it felt like every day, was rainy. Until this past year, I haven't talked about walking, beside the Rideau Canal, and have thoughts about jumping into winterized passage, with about 50 cm of water, at the bottom, from a height of 6 meters. 

Sadly, when I did approach staff for help, at Carleton University, it was dismissed, as me, being homesick, and not SAD, or would later find out, chronic depression. Until 2006, I didn't seek out any help for my silent struggle with mental illness. Since then, I have tried 8 different anti-depressant/anxiety medications, with varying degrees of success. Most of these drugs, I had to stop, as the result of brutal side effects that has forced my own doctor to have me, evaluated by psychiatrists, before prescribing any new med.  

Friday 21 October 2016

October's Tears (October 21, 2016)

That time
Of the year
Is fast approaching
For me.

And season darkness
Claims me.

As I sink
Into a downward spiral
Of pain and sadness.

The beginning
Of my SAD season
Until January.

It clears up

I could say
Death doesn't play
A huge part
In my life.

It does.

As the raindrops
From a mid-October storm
Bathe my face
In wetness.

The tears
From everyone's

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: It's 10 days, before Halloween, and the fall rains have started, in part of the Great Lakes basin, stopping, only when the rain turns to snow, some time, in November/December. The 10 days from November 11th (Remembrance Day) to 20th (Day Of Trans-Remembrance), are about the darkness days, of the calendar, for me. With November 15th, being the anniversary date of my dad's death, in 1998. Also, the anniversary date of my self-acceptance of who I am, Therisa, in 2005, As I stood over, my dad's grave, crying, on a very mid-November day, when I realized, an inner true that I have been suppressing, since August 1977, I am female.

Wednesday 19 October 2016

Plead For Peace (September 28, 2016)

Am so tired
Of this constant battle
I was wage
On a daily basis.

Just once
I wish You
My Goddess
Could grant me
True peace
For my ravage soul.

I may know
What true tranquillity
Is like.

My journey is
Finally over
On this mortal coil.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: Written, after another brutal night of broken sleep.

Saturday 15 October 2016

From Meaning, To Reality (October 4, 2016)

Is not
Just a word.

A human right.

To live your life
Without terror
Or fear.

Go to school
Without being abused
In any form.

To walk
Outside your home
Without being attacked
Or killed.

Freedom is
A wishful dream
For many transpeople.

As we gather
On November 20th
To remember those
Who were killed.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: This poem was inspired by, the title, of a young adult book, Freedom's Just Another Word, standing in display, at my local library. 

Thursday 13 October 2016

To Wish Impossible Dreams (October 13, 2016)

There are days
Like this
That I feel like
A total fraud.

As if
My very existence
Is an outright lie.

No matter
What I do.

Feeling like
I'm stuck
In those dark 
And violent days
Of my childhood.

To hide away
In the deepest corner
Of my apartment.

The little girl
I feel like
Right now.

I don't have
Dad's strong arms
To wrap me
In a supportive hug.

The type
He shared
Growing up.

Just once
I wish
For one 
Of those hugs.

For my tears 
To flow
Upon his shoulders.

Holding my daemons
For another day.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: This November 15th, will mark the 18th anniversary of my dad's death, from a fatal heart attack, on November 13th. And I find myself, missing him, more than ever, as he tried to encourage me, even though, he didn't understand the needs, I had, as a child, growing up, being ashamed of my need, to be female. 

Wednesday 12 October 2016

Retail Therapy (October 12, 2016)

I see you
All decked out
To the "nines".

In your expensive
Brand name

Price tags
Still attached.

Strutting around
Like a gaudy Peacock
To my thrift store/clothing bank

And yet
I wonder.

Are you purchasing
Your happiness
With debit
And credit cards?

A crater exist
Within your soul
For fulfilment.

As you look down
At people
Like myself.

Like we're gum
On the soles
Of your latest
Air Jordan shoes.

Never seeing
That true wealth
Isn't found
In a department store
Or an auto dealership.

In one's ability
To share
And help others.

Of your needs
And wants.

In bringing joy
And happiness
To them.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: For the past 2 weeks, I have been battling, a very nasty flu bug that decided to arrive, a month earlier, than normal, for me. As this is, my third poem, I have written this month. Wish, I could say, all of my symptoms have gone away, but my asthmatic cough and nose bleeds are still hanging around. 

The Razor's Edge (October 7, 2016)

It's a dichotomy
That many
In my community
Must face.

The need 
To be open
And honest
About ourselves.

This need
Will be used
As a weapon.

In breaking down
The stigmas and barriers
In society's views
And attitudes
To the Trans community.

Naivete is
The blade of death
That sticks out
Of our exposed backs.

In assuming
People have changed
And old believes (or disbelieves)
No longer 

What some people
May say

The past
Has shown us
People tend 
To react 

With an experience
Of their comfort zone.

As fear
And hate
Rule their hearts
And minds.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: If anyone thinks, my last three stanzas are hyperbole, one, only has to read any history book, from the 20th century, to know, I'm right. Especially, how many innocent people were destroyed, during the "Red Scare" of the mid-20th century and the stigma attached, to being LGBT+, which is slowly evaporating.

Friday 7 October 2016

Storm Front (September 28, 2016)

Can feel it
Eating away
Like a cancerous growth
On my soul.

Its taint growing
Ever darker
With passing day
I breathe.

Each tsunami
Grows larger
In the emotional impact
They have
Upon me.

My soul's shoreline
Is being eroded
Under this barrage
Of tears.

Forcing me
To flee
Ever deeper
Into my inner shell.

One step short
Of the ultimate out.

As my soul
Whither away
Like some strange fruit
On a tree branch.

Awaiting my body
To join it
In embracing Death
For one last time.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: I wrote this poem, during the wee hours of morning, on September 28, 2016, as I struggled with my sleep, after a brutal and very emotional weekend, previously, for the second straight weekend. Not sure, which is worse, the constant lack of sound sleep, or the emotional yo-yoing, I have been experiencing. 

Monday 3 October 2016

The Long Good-bye (October 3, 2016)

I see 
How you look
At me.

I don't noticed
Your scared 
Or nervous look
In your eyes.

Never mind
How your body language
Speaks differently
From the words
You express.

Don't you realize
This dichotomy 
Is hurting me.

As I struggle
With anxiety attacks
Pre- and post-meetings.

Your self-lying
For it's hypocritical 

In reality
You don't want
To be seen
Around me.

By anyone
Who knows us.

Of being labelled
The parent
Of a freak.

Go live 
Your isolated life
In the boonies.

No one knows
About me
And my transitional

For I have
My own life
To live
As well.

As a woman
And not
As a man.

You have
Mistakenly believed
For the past 42 years.

This November
Will mark
The 4th anniversary
Of cutting you
Out of my life

A move
Long overdue
By several decades.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note:  Three years ago, in late October, I tried to get my mom, to help me, in the purchase of a new winter jacket, as a combine birthday/Christmas present, for me. As my birthday falls, in February, and we don't see each other, due to the harsh winter conditions, around her rural Ontario home. For almost a week, she avoided responding to my request, until finally, I had enough, over a series of phone calls, laced with f-bombs, I told her, she was no longer, to have anything to do, with me. I didn't listen to any of her returned messages or have called/or written to her, since. Must admit, I feel very guilty, in breaking off, all contact, but she was holding me, in my healing process, and supporting my abusive brother, over me, when forced on the matter.

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