A distant
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And muffled knock
From the past.
Upon
A heavy door
I dare not open.
As fear
And self-loathing
Fill my soul
To overflowing.
In grabbing
Whatever
I can
To barricade it.
Still
It grows louder
In my mind.
As
The barriers collapse.
Leaving me
Reliving the abuse
All over
Again.
Therisa © 2016
Author's note: For those, who don't know, I'm a survivor, of childhood abuse, by my younger brother. Even though, its been almost, a decade, since I last seen him, I still get these flashbacks, of the violence, he did, to my mom and I. For years, my mentally constructed doors, kept these memories, at a distance, until August 14, 2007, when a very severe panic attack, destroyed my defences, and these memories flooded me.
12 comments:
Oh this poem says so very very much. Doors come down....the flooding can be devastating. Your strength shall shine through.
Therisa, I am so sorry for the violence you had to withstand. Sometimes the breaking down of doors allows us to build bridges, so something more hope-filled.
My heart goes out to you Therisa, big hugs!
Have sought healing programs, Lillian. Sadly, most programs in Canada, these day, are short based, which only offers a bandage solution, to the open heart surgery wounds. To use, a metaphor. Writing about, is one of my major ways of coping, as I have trouble, expressing myself, verbally, on this issue.
Can safely, I can out alive, which, for many victims, isn't the case, as the various court trials and coroner inquests will attest to. Although these scars will take a long time, to full heal.
Thank you, Sanaa. I appreciate your offer.
I'm so sorry. I hope you finally find some peace and healing.
It's a long and slow process, often accompanied, by setbacks, but right now, I can say, I'm enjoy a down cycle part of the flashbacks, which means, I'm not being triggered, by everything around, like I have been, in the past. Just have to be patience and gentle, with myself.
Abuse is something no one should suffer. My heart goes out to you. Doors are there to protect you but they often shut you in.
A terribly sad reconstruction of your experience the other side of that door.
SMiLes..
doors to dance
StiLL relieve
me iN
closeD
of past..
trust me
not or yes..
when i say..
as Air Force
Psychiatrist
treating combat
veterans can say..
i've never
seen a case
of anxiety
as bad as
mine was
and no noW
longer iS
iN noW..
yeS..noW
Miracles
oF Dance..
they do happen..
but seriously..
body keeps
score.. to
free A priSon
oF iT iN iNterpretive
free style NO LESsONs
dance.. can bE A way
out free
of a priSon
past
iN mInd
and body
imBalance
oF soUL..
mY
FriEnd..:)
This is so terribly sad, yet you came out alive which is the best part.. Violence at home is the worst.
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