One Victory, In An Endless War (April 30, 2016)

Oh my Goddess

I'm doing it

As I sit

On the westbound subway

To downtown.

Having agreed

To an afternoon out

With a friend

At the movies.

Taking a chance

On happiness

Over my chronic fear

Of being triggered

For anxiety/panic attacks.

Previously

Having rejected

All other requests.

Be lying

If I said

I wasn't anxious

About being anxious

Around crowds.

Especially

Travelling through

Yonge-Bloor station.

The site

Of many anxiety attacks

Over the years.

Although

I arrived there

With plenty of time

And (relatively)

Anxiety-free

At the theatre.

It's a journey

I wouldn't want

To do

On a daily basis.

Feeling like

Am playing

A version of Russian Roulette

With my sense

Of personal space.

But knowing

Just getting here

I have faced

Several personal daemons

And won.

Huge victory

For an afternoon outing

By me.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: This afternoon (April 30, 2016), I saw my first movie (Mother's Day), in a theatre, since June 2007 (Ratatouille), when I was living, in a downtown Toronto woman's homeless shelter. Normally, I wait, until a particular movie comes out, on DVD/Blu-Ray, before I see it. Being in settings, which has large crowds, is one of my triggers, for anxiety/panic attacks, while I try to avoid taking the public transit, during the rush hour periods. Or, attend events that will attract large crowds, liking seeing a film, during the evening or the weekend matinees.