What Is Normal Like? (March 11, 2016)

Often

I find myself

Asking this question

Without a ready answer

To it.

Never gave it

A second thought

About the toxic relationship

Between my brother and I.

Even though

My grandma did remark

She has never seen

Two siblings go at it

So furiously.

Or

How different things were

From my many cousins

In comparison

To my situation.

Until

I entered

 A Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) program

At a nearby hospital

About four years ago.

Where

The therapist told me

It's not unusual

For a family

To be dysfunctional.

 Gee

Thanks.

As if

My childhood years

Weren't brutal

Enough.

Even now

Thirty-five years later

I can still hear him

And his friend

Calling me:

" A f--king

Cocksucker"

Or

"A f--king fairy"

Who needed

To be taught

Her proper place.

As they pounded

The living daylights

Out of my body.

While

Laughing.

Welcome

To my grade 5 year.

Wish

I could say

My previous school years

Were less violent

(Physically

And verbally).

Sadly

No.

This would continue

Until I transferred

To another high school

At the end

Of grade 10.

Leaving

This abusive environment

Behind me.

But

The memories

Still haunt me.

So

I ask you.

What does it

Feel like

To live

A normal life?

Without constant echoes

Of destructive voices

Or PTSD flashbacks

To haunt

Every moment

Of ones life.

If possible

For just one minute

I would love

To experience this moment

In my live.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: There times, which I find myself, cursing my long term memory, for its ability to hold past events, in my live, as if, they have happened, just yesterday. While, my short memory has more holes, in it, than an unpasteurized piece of Swiss cheese. There is more, that I could have detailed, here, but, even a masochist, would be crying, begging, for no more. Sigh, am so tired of this weird roller coaster, which we call life. Can I, finally, be able,to get off, please?