Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Secret Agent Gurl (May 4, 2016)

Like a spy
On a dangerous mission
Slipping through life
Over two years
In the deepest cover.

Living the stress
Of a dual life
The gender divide.

One foot
In the closet.

My nerves
And senses

Every knock
Upon my door
Sent hiding
My feminine self.

Society frowns
Upon "males"
In dresses.

I've learnt
The hard way
As the memories
Of being trans-bashed

Those drive-by slurs
Whether transphobic
Or homophobic.

Doesn't just evaporate
Into thin air
Like dry ice does.

I wish
They would.

Is it
Any wonder
So many trans-people
Attempt suicide.

This warm reception
From society.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: From 2005, until June 2007, I walked the narrow dividing line, between male and female, when I lost my apartment, and was forced, into a woman's homeless shelter, in Toronto. As I had to physically move, to Toronto, from Brampton (about 30 minute drive, by car) , for there are no shelters there that are aimed, to help the trans-community, like Toronto has done. It's ironic, by losing my housing freedom, I have gained, the freedom to dress, in my true self, as a woman, full time, 24/7/365.

For more information, about the daily struggles that the trans-community faces, please click on the following link:


  1. That must be such a hard "secret" to have to hold. It must have been a terribly stressful time. I am glad that by losing your housing, you gained being able to be who you truly are. "when a door closes, a window opens." Nice to not have to keep that secret any more.

  2. some heart thumping moments here...may all have their freedom to live happily...this is my prayer...

  3. Thank you for this poem describing the secrecy that seems like a safety measure, but is harmful. It allows the build up of "drive-by slurs" and beatings, too, without any supportive community and shelter. I love your title which seems to emphasize a freedom in hiding, yet ironically exposes the trap of the double life.

  4. Sometimes, our hardships end up being good life changing events. Glad you found the courage to be yourself.

  5. Hard to walk that road and lonely--this is such a poignant write

  6. Wow! this took bravery to write. Thanks for sharing it.

  7. Bravo!! That was a journey from secrets to truth. Thank you for sharing!

  8. So often those that condemn tout the riteous hand of freedom, though they deny freedom of thought and freedom of being in others. It takes real strength to face it, A strength I can not imagine but can empathize.

  9. very sincere the way you crafted your feelings

    much love...

  10. As I ever I admire your strong words - so many vulnerable people are vilified, discriminated against and wait in fear of a knock on the door.. i only hope that after the move there were people there with an ounce of respect.. warm wishes to you as ever..

  11. Sometimes, we do need to share some of our secrets for our own good.

    I hate that you had to go through that stage but it's wonderful that you have your freedom. This is an important piece.



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