Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Secret Agent Gurl (May 4, 2016)

Like a spy
On a dangerous mission
Slipping through life
Over two years
In the deepest cover.

Living the stress
Of a dual life
Straddling
The gender divide.

One foot
Firmly
In the closet.

My nerves
And senses
Hyper-vigilant.

Every knock
Upon my door
Sent hiding
My feminine self.

Knowing
Society frowns
Upon "males"
In dresses.

Something
I've learnt
The hard way
As the memories
Of being trans-bashed
Lingers.

Those drive-by slurs
Whether transphobic
Or homophobic.

Doesn't just evaporate
Into thin air
Like dry ice does.

However
I wish
They would.

Is it
Any wonder
So many trans-people
Attempt suicide.

Given
This warm reception
From society.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: From 2005, until June 2007, I walked the narrow dividing line, between male and female, when I lost my apartment, and was forced, into a woman's homeless shelter, in Toronto. As I had to physically move, to Toronto, from Brampton (about 30 minute drive, by car) , for there are no shelters there that are aimed, to help the trans-community, like Toronto has done. It's ironic, by losing my housing freedom, I have gained, the freedom to dress, in my true self, as a woman, full time, 24/7/365.


For more information, about the daily struggles that the trans-community faces, please click on the following link: http://www.vocativ.com/culture/lgbt/transgender-suicide/


12 comments:

  1. That must be such a hard "secret" to have to hold. It must have been a terribly stressful time. I am glad that by losing your housing, you gained being able to be who you truly are. "when a door closes, a window opens." Nice to not have to keep that secret any more.

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  2. some heart thumping moments here...may all have their freedom to live happily...this is my prayer...

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  3. Thank you for this poem describing the secrecy that seems like a safety measure, but is harmful. It allows the build up of "drive-by slurs" and beatings, too, without any supportive community and shelter. I love your title which seems to emphasize a freedom in hiding, yet ironically exposes the trap of the double life.

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  4. Sometimes, our hardships end up being good life changing events. Glad you found the courage to be yourself.

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  5. Hard to walk that road and lonely--this is such a poignant write

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  6. Wow! this took bravery to write. Thanks for sharing it.

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  7. Bravo!! That was a journey from secrets to truth. Thank you for sharing!

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  8. So often those that condemn tout the riteous hand of freedom, though they deny freedom of thought and freedom of being in others. It takes real strength to face it, A strength I can not imagine but can empathize.

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  9. very sincere the way you crafted your feelings

    much love...

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  10. As I ever I admire your strong words - so many vulnerable people are vilified, discriminated against and wait in fear of a knock on the door.. i only hope that after the move there were people there with an ounce of respect.. warm wishes to you as ever..

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  11. Sometimes, we do need to share some of our secrets for our own good.

    I hate that you had to go through that stage but it's wonderful that you have your freedom. This is an important piece.

    -HA

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