Long Weekend (August 9, 2018)

Are these

From depressed soul

Self-pitying words

Appearing before you?

Need/want

For physical release

Gets stronger

Each waking hour

Waterfall of tears.

Growing presence

Soulful miasma

Slowly creeps forward

Soulscape edges.

Cautiously

Testing boundaries

Hint of weakness

Exploiting-gleeful eagerness.

Opening up

Like cancerous growth

Metastasizing soulscape.

Released Hellhounds

Nipping expose tendons

Toxic auditory flashbacks

Mental soundtrack.

Reliving memories

Best deleted

Without thought.

Hell on Earth.

World reduced

To my apartment

Invisible prison walls

Contain me.

Knowing

It's only starting

Before storm’s eye

Is reached.

Whether

Days or weeks away

Crisis climax

Darkest moment

Of depressive episode.

Literally

Life or death

Shall I fall

From grace.

Therisa © 2018

Author's note: Since the August Civic long weekend (August 5-7), I have felt myself, mentally declining. Leaving my apartment, when I am forced to. Am hoping this isn't the start of my latest bout of depression.

Poetry: Personal Journey (August 8, 2018)

Like my body

Words grow

Ebbing and flowing

With time passage.

Narrative tale

Personal nature

Evolution’s progress

Inner perception

To reality.

Each new revelation

Self-exploration

Of truths and lies

Understanding oneself.

Development stages

Learning to spell

Putting words together

Coherent manner

Soul singing.

Perfection

Cruel delusion

We chase

Mistaken belief

Within grasp.

Like Icarus

Flighting too high

On waxen wings.

Forced words

Dissonance discord

Anger and rage

Rebellious teenager

Discovering boundaries.

Lifelong achievement

Never fully reach

Both feet-other side

Epiphany moment

Observed.

Therisa © 2018

Author's note:A poem for Poets United’s midweek motif writing prompt: poems. Poetry, which marks my transition through life, to where I hope to get, someday.

August Heartbreak (August 6, 2018)

Silent tears stream

Down my face

Past injustices and traumas

Haunting.

Virtual loop

Reinforce each memory

Played.

Feeling small

And helpless.

Releasing one triggers

After another.

Brain shutdown

Retreating inwards

Welcoming unconsciousness.

Awaken

Leaden body

If ran ultra marathon.

Arms trembling

Summertime leaves

In strong wind.

Tightly grip pillow

Anchoring

“Here and now”.

Emotional maelstrom

Crossing spectrum

From rage to sadness.

Want sleep

Everything drained

Existence

Bare minimum.

Life-on hold

Two more days

Full reboot.

Why now

Don't know.

Therisa © 2018

Author’s note: The Civil Holiday long weekend (first Monday in August), is over and I found myself, struggling with flashbacks, depression and anxiety. This is my way of dealing with it.

Mission Statement (August 5, 2018)

In my poems

You'll enter a world

Unlike anything

You've experienced.

Dark places

Where pain and suffering

Is commonplace

As hate and ignorance.

Victimhood

Isn't a badge

Wanting readers’ pity.

For these people

Don't have

Time or patience

In my journey of healing.

Rather

Society failing those

On the margins

What IT feels like

Carrying this stigma.

How people avoid you

Some type of Typhoid Mary

Spreading mental illness

Like the flu

Destroying lives.

Attack us

Implying

We're slackers

And fakers

Seeking easy ride.

Mental health cuts

Fiscal necessity

By short sighted governments

Balancing budgets

Funding law and order dogma.

Nary a whimper

From the voting public

Criminalizing a health crisis

Needlessly.

Taking easy way out.

Therisa © 2018

Author's note: A poem for Poets United’s midweek motif writing prompt: poems. Poetry, which speaks for those, who can’t.

Just Desserts (August 2, 2018)

It's 4:26

On a Thursday morning

Mind racing

In tangents.

Banished from

Hypnos’* embrace.

Healing rest

Body and soul

Desperately need.

Outside voices

Penetrating reality

Called life

With alien thoughts.

Offering gifts

If heeded

Soul-spoken words.

Eating forbidden fruit

Without guilt

Or shame.

My doom

If you wish

Stares before you.

Randomized words

Chaos formatted

Varying verse length

Into stanzas.

Literary devices

Am told

Called poems.

*Greek God of sleep.

Therisa © 2018

Author's note: A poem for Poets United’s midweek motif writing prompt: poems.

Control Struggle (August 4, 2018)

So easy

Meds before me

For long goodbye.

Fighting to keep

Daily suicidal ideation

Static filled reception.

A 24/7/365 fight

Without relaxation.

No matter

How exhausted

Pain filled

I am

Refusing

Trial and error

Guinea pig

For right medication.

Ultimate act

Of vainglory/hubris

Better living

Through chemistry.

Eight years experimentation

Various drugs

And cocktail mixture.

Tears flow

Cursing side effects

Life interrupted.

Prisoner-in own body

Better off depressed.

Rejecting ninth med

Older generations

More health concerns.

Therisa © 2018

Author's note: On Friday, I read about the death of Zombie Boy (Rick Genest), which Montreal police had ruled suicide. Despite unanswered questions surrounding the death that the local coroner is investigating. Realizing, how easy it is for me, to lose control for 1 minute and pay a fatal price.

The following article link has phone numbers to contact, in Canada, if you need someone to talk.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/zombie-boy-dead-1.4772315

Underneath It All (May 21, 2018)

Like Harlequin Masques

We cover our souls

From the world around us

In hiding

Our true nature.

Scared

How the world will react

Should we

Be honest with ourselves

And to others.

Knowing

This simple act is

Anything

But.

In laying bare

Our deepest fears

And hopes

Upon the table.

As we move

Out from the darkness

Our souls are suffocating

Drowning under the weight

Of these masks.

A fragile and brittle organism

Seeking healing light

Like a sprouting plant does

Tracking the sun

With its leaves and flowers

Growing bigger and stronger.

Knowing

The hardest part

Is the first step

We will take

On this life changing journey

Of healing and discovery.

Therisa © 2018