So easy
Meds before me
For long goodbye.
Fighting to keep
Daily suicidal ideation
Static filled reception.
A 24/7/365 fight
Without relaxation.
No matter
How exhausted
Pain filled
I am
Refusing
Trial and error
Guinea pig
For right medication.
Ultimate act
Of vainglory/hubris
Better living
Through chemistry.
Eight years experimentation
Various drugs
And cocktail mixture.
Tears flow
Cursing side effects
Life interrupted.
Prisoner-in own body
Better off depressed.
Rejecting ninth med
Older generations
More health concerns.
Therisa © 2018
Author's note: On Friday, I read about the death of Zombie Boy (Rick Genest), which Montreal police had ruled suicide. Despite unanswered questions surrounding the death that the local coroner is investigating. Realizing, how easy it is for me, to lose control for 1 minute and pay a fatal price.
The following article link has phone numbers to contact, in Canada, if you need someone to talk.
10 comments:
Take care of yourself, Therisa. I can 'hear' the difficulty of your life journey right now.
Hold on, Therisa. You are a strong and beautiful person. Sending love and prayers 💞
I note the awareness in your comment following the poem, that one moment can have a permanent outcome. We need you here, my friend. Keep going, one footstep, one day at a time, is all we have to do.
Yes, that "chasm" is always there, a way out, a final step...but what the hell, you might as well stay around to find out...you never know until the end, what will happen in the story, your story. I just read, It takes hindsight to understand, sometimes things are not what they seem.
I love how raw and honest your words are... may you fight your battle well my friend.
Yes, yes. In your own separate ways you and Magaly show us all how to go on when life throws bunches of crap at us. Keep writing, Therisa! Thanks for being here.
I can't imagine what you're going through. I do know that if you keep writing, you will somehow come out of this experience as a stronger and wiser woman. The struggle may be long, but you would have given up long ago if you did not believe the struggle was worth it.
We need you here, Therisa, you are such a precious soul to us all. Your inner power comes out with every word you utter. Hope you'll keep writing.
Live your truth, every single day. And one day it will seem easier and more real and you will be free. I know you can do this!
Having to determine which is worse the remedy or the side effects is no easy task. It is a never-ending fight... and some days, we might feel that is best to send it all to hell and perhaps face what might come without having to see the world through a fog... Such terrible choices, the ones we are given sometimes (they don't even look like choices). It's so difficult--almost impossible--to see a way out when we are being squeezed by the darkest dark...
...I hope with all my heart, that a bit of light shines through when this moments hit, or even a dark with a manage. Pain--emotional and psychological--is a bastard, a thief, a life breaker... I hope for stitches and ways to regain some things or to claim them for the first time.
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