Courage:
[kur-ij, kuhr-]
noun
1.
the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
2.
Obsolete. the heart as the source of emotion.
Idioms
3.
have the courage of one's convictions, to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism.
A gentle
But sad sigh
Escapes my lips
As tears roll down
My face.
In trying
To find
That inner strength.
That you say
Shines like a beacon
Through the darkness
I have walked
In my journey
To here.
Having lost
Everything of value
To my body and soul.
For this need
Of mine.
Correcting
A genetic birth defect
Being born
Within the wrong body
Of a male.
Which
Society views
As normal.
Despite
Viewing myself
As a woman trapped
Within a male shell
Of a body.
Won't burden you
With the years
Of abuse and bullying
That has marked my life.
Since
I realized
This inner truth
At the tender age
Of four.
Within my head
The voices
Of my abusers
Ringing out.
Cursing me
With such crude
And hurtful language.
No child should
Ever know.
Fuelling their need
For power
And control.
By expressing
Their fear
At that
Which
Is different.
Sadly
As adults
These children
Haven't learnt their lessons.
As the fire
Of transphobia
And homophobia
Burns brightly
In their souls.
Consuming
Whatever remains
Of their logic centre
In a Gray hateful ash.
And yes
There times
I have felt
My life
At risk.
In spite
Of this fact
I move forward
In my healing pilgrimage.
Uniting my body
With the feminine soul
I was born
Within.
Thus
Completing
This cycle.
Therisa © 2016
Author's note: By the age of twelve, I had attempted, at least 3 different times, to end my life, which I have never told my parents, about. My last 3 years of high school, was marked, by a nightly visit to the kitchen, where I tried to pierce my chest, with one of the meat knives, but I lack the strength to push it, into my chest cavity.
After coming out, accidently, to my mom, over the 2006 Canada Day long weekend, she told me:
"
Hell would have to freeze over, and I would have to, come crawling on my hands and knees, begging her, for forgiveness, before she would think about it."
Needless, to say, I was thrown for a dark suicidal depression that lasted, the entire month of July. Nearly costing my job, as a result. With the help and support of a very special friend, I wouldn't be here, to share this, with the world. Thank you, Z.
The title of this poem, is a reference to the British Goth group,
The Cure, who's dark and melodic tunes have helped me, during my bout of dark depression. Also, refers to my needing to live my life, as a woman, who is...
simply elegance.
