I don't remember
Who was the first person
That I taught me
How to hate myself.
It may have been
My younger brother.
Or the kids
In the rural schoolyard
Upon starting kindergarten
Attacking verbally
And physically
For being different.
Not sure
If it's a mercy
Or a curse.
Having forgotten
Those young boys’ name
Who taught me
Being openly transgender
Is playing Russian Roulette
With one's life.
In publicly saying
I wanted to be
Wonder Woman
At the age of 7
During the 1970s.
Spending the next 28 years
In destructive self-denial
Thoughts of daily self-harming
Never far away.
Viewing life
A living death penalty
Without any appeals
Or hint of parole.
Hoping
Never waking up
Next morning
After a night’s sleep.
Anger grows
Having survived
Through the night.
As I move around
The edges of society
Seeking the promised land
From the wasteland
I have walked.
Therisa © 2018
Author's note: From most of my life, I have endure the verbal, physical and mental abuse from others, because I was different. In the case of my family, my mother smothered and manipulated me, taking every major decision out of my hands, as she tried to protect the 4 year old child, who came upstairs, with her mouth blown wide open from electrical burns. As for my younger brother, he’s a narcissistic person, who needs the attention of others.
A poem for Poets United’s midweek motif writing prompt: wilderness.
10 comments:
Society's wilderness sounds like the very wasteland it created within this narrator. To forget the tormentors is a kind of balm, I would think. May Wonder Woman thrive!
Your's is a very sad story, that is not to be denied. Each child, each person, should be loved for their very difference. I am so sorry....I think of the words...forgive them they know not what they do. xoxoxoxohugs
So sad to think of that innocent child, so much pain caused by others, just trying to be herself. I am so sorry. You have written this bravely, and well.
the wilderness of the world, and finding safety and peace, much less one's place in it, as a child - can be one of the worst and most cruel aspects of just being; and to be constantly and persistently abused and mocked, taunted and hurt is more than anguish; it can and often does take so much time to learn to heal from all of this - and the scars? oh, how they can either be badges of courage or shame, sometimes both, and sometimes, just kept hidden - but it's a testament to spirit - one's truth in soul - that the person you are - is still here;
you have written a very hard poem, because of the facts, the truths you have narrated, but consider and know, they aren't the only truths in your life -
thank you for sharing so openly and with such dignity and honesty, in grace
The 'wilderness' in a person's life will always lead to trying times. It makes one braver and more determined to tell them off which is necessary. Otherwise they will continue to torment! A bit tricky though in a family situation!
Hank
It is sad that your mother smothered and controlled you rather than accepting and helping you to accept your differences. However at that time the western world was judgemental and unfair about variations in sexuality.
It's so difficult to live in such a wilderness when there is no one close. But you are truly that Wonder Woman to have traveled this far in search of the 'promised land'. Kudos.
Social wilderness has to be the cruelest. Human beings are so unaccepting when they are in a pack. I had a transgender friend when I was at university in Germany back in the seventies. We sat together in lectures and tutorials. She was beautiful, had style and courage. We believed that she was accepted by the other students in our group but found out that she was not. I was called names too. But I'd been used to that from school when I was taunted for being the only one in class who wore glasses, and for being friends with the only black girl in our class and a girl who was missing a hand from thalidomide. They used to call us the misfits. But we are beautiful in our friendships and we don't have to be part of the club to survive. Just be Wonder Woman.
This is such a powerful, well-written, and gut-wrenching piece of work. Society can be so appalling, it just breaks my heart everything you have been through and knowing with certainty that this sort of discrimination still exists. I like how Kim closed her comment, I think we've got to be our own heroes.
I am so sorry for the hurt you have suffered at the hands of cruel, intolerant fools. This is certainly a wilderness.
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