Wednesday, 13 January 2016

The Long Run (January 4, 2016)



You think
I would be
Jumping
Over the moon.

Upon achieving
This milestone
Of five years.

Since
My last suicide attempt.

And yet
A sense of sadness
Fills me.

As the tears stream
Silently
Down my face.

Dreading
The coming month
That January is
For me.

Marking
The coldest month
Of the year
Leaving the soul
Bitterly fragile
To the touch.

Each black "X"
Upon the calendar page
Symbolizes
One less day.

Until
The end
Of this race.

And
February's arrival
With its coming thaws.


Therisa © 2016


Author's Note: The month of January, marks the end, of my annual Fall/Winter depression, which has traditionally, seen an increase, in my suicidal feelings, with the two dark periods of November 11th-20th, and December 24th-January 2nd. January 3, 2016, marked the fifth anniversary, of my last suicide attempt, since the holiday season of 2010-11. Also, the first time, since then, I have found myself, on the edge between passively and actively suicidal, with my suicide index, at 5, out of 10. Where 10 means, I have committed suicide, and someone else is writing about my death to you.

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