The Road Taken (January 8, 2016)

Never thought

I would be

Looking back

In a positive way.

On losing

My apartment

And ending up

In a homeless shelter.

Knowing

I can laugh

About it

Now.

Never realizing

How big

Of a barrier

Moving to Toronto

Would be.

Physically

And psychologically

In my liberation

Of you

Mom.

In beginning

My life

Anew

As a woman.

No longer

Needing to hide

In the darkest gender closet

Filled with fear

Of being discovered.

Will admit

I wasn't prepared

For the culture shock

That greeted me

At the woman's homeless shelter.

Struggling

With chronic anxiety attacks

And depression

In a brutal environment

Like a fish

Out of water.

Especially

Being pre-everything

In regards

To my transitioning.

Beyond knowing

My true name

Therisa.

Taking extra precautions

So no one saw

My ugly male body.

Unless

Fully dressed.

Dreading

Someone would see

Or react

To me

As a male.

Knowing

I wouldn't survive

In a man's homeless shelter

Without being raped

Or brutally beaten up.

Never

Feeling safe.

Until

I had my own apartment

Again.

To further

My self-exploration

Of the feminine side.

Learning

My true self.


Therisa © 2016

Author Note: June 3, 2007, found myself, at the front door, of a woman's homeless shelter, in downtown Toronto, with a suitcase and duffel bag, filled with woman's clothing. Interesting enough, my mom never asked me, if I wanted to move out, to the country, until I got myself, back on my feet, again. A move, in retrospective, would have signed my death warrant, given her negative reaction, to coming out to her, as a trans-lesbian. Being forced to be dependant on her, for transportation for all of my medical appointment.