Friday, 15 January 2016

Poetic Letter To Dad (January 15, 2016)

www.affairscloud.com
Dad
I know
You have taught me
To suppress my emotions.

As you felt
I wasn't behaving
Like a six
Or seven year old boy.

And not
The real me
Who I viewed
As a girl.

A lesson
I have learnt
All too well.

But now
Dad
We need to
Part company
On this
For my continuing healing.

True
In the past
I have used
My pent-up anger
As an energy source
On steroids.

As
I waged war
Against the systematic barriers
Society has placed
Before me.

In regarding
My various learning disabilities
Abuse survivor
Constant struggle
With mental illness
And being
A transsexual.

I promise you
Dad
This doesn't mean
Mom's and M's actions
Are forgotten
By me.

Doing so
Would be saying:

"The Nazis didn't kill
Over 6 million Jews
Or used death camps
To so."

But
Am scared
By releasing
These suppressed emotions.

I'll experience
More bouts
Of PTSD rage.

Like the ones
I have experienced
In the past.

Which
A murderous rage
Consume my soul
Leaving nothing behind.

Only reason
I am not rotting
In a federal jail cell
Psychiatric hospital
For the criminally insane
Or six feet under.

Is pure luck
Of being isolated
From this person
Who sparked this rage.

Alas 
They don't know
Of this
And hope
They never do.

Soft sigh
Escapes my lips
As I hope
My worse fears
Are totally groundless.


Therisa © 2016




Author's note: Occasionally, I write these poetic notes, to my love ones, like this, to my dad (who died November 15, 1998), as a way of expressing those thoughts that I have trouble speaking, out loud. Only wish, I could have told him, the truth, about myself, being transsexual, before his untimely death.

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