Saturday, 1 April 2017

A Cosmic April Fool's Joke Punchline (April 1, 2017)

The following poem contains very dark subject matter, like enduring extreme child abuse/bullying, PTSD, depression and suicide, itself. 

"I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours
But I think that God's got a sick sense of humor
And when I die I expect to find Him laughing."

Depeche Mode, "Blasphemous Rumours", Some Great Reward (1984)

Sitting on
The edge of the tub
A razor blade
In my hand.

The tears rolling
Down my cheeks
As I look back
At my life.

Just wanting
The pain to end
Of the personal cost.

What I did do
To become
The punchline
Of this cosmic joke.

I call
My life.

As the abuse
And bullying
In my mind's eye.

Red tears 
Flow from my wrists
Onto the bathroom floor.

Nothing is left
In my body.

Therisa © 2017

Author's note: I know, there some people will read this poem, and think, it's a cry for help, on my part. Truth is, I have been battling PTSD, for most of my life, after electrocuting myself, in November 1974, while trying to separate an extension cord, from a port space heater, in the basement of the home, we're living in, at the time, as a child. Have been told, on numerous occasions, I was lucky to have survived the electrical burn, to my mouth. I have endured 4 different operations, upon my mouth, over the years, leaving a facial faint scar, upon my right side of my mouth.

The following year, I started kindergarten, and the abuse/bullying started then, there. Only stopping, in September 1987, when I transferred to another high school, for my final 3 years, before starting university, in September 1990.

This doesn't include, the abuse, I suffered, at the hands, feet, and mouth, of my younger brother, over the years, until August 2007, I stood up to him, and told him; "you're dead to me, the next time, I see you, you'll be 6 feet under." Since then, I haven't seen or heard from him. 

Today's date is April 1st, a time, people allowed to play practical jokes, on each other, until noontime. And yes, there are time, which I feel like, I am, the punchline, to some cosmic joke, 

And no, I am not planning on ending my life, right now. Just that, at times, I feel this need to write out the darkness, I contain, within me. Guess, you could it, a safety valve release. 

No comments:

Featured post

Chance Encounter (March 13, 2017)

July 21, 2006. A date Forever etched Into my memory. As if Done by A laser. By mistake And pure chance. I enter...