Once more
It's the third Monday
Of February
As Ontario celebrates
Family Day.
You'll pardon me
If I don't join you
In its observance.
For
I am
A survivor
Of domestic violence
By a family member.
Even now
Almost nine years free
Of his physical presence.
But
His shadow
Still impacts
My daily life.
In being
Hyper-vigilant.
Jumping at
Any sudden
And loud noise
Like an argument.
Or
An apartment door
Being slammed shut.
Cursing
My long term memory
For capturing
In 4K detail
His attacks.
Of me
Cowering
In my barricaded bedroom
Crying myself
To sleep
In my late teens.
Wishing
I had died
From my electrical burns
In November 1974.
Can understand
Why some victims
Of abusive relationships
Kill their attackers.
Only recently
I have admitted
In wishing
I had killed him
After his preemie birth
In October 1972.
Thus
Sparing me
Decades of pain
And sorrow.
But
I realize
The road of "Only if"
Will lead me
Further astray
In my healing.
As I travel
The long and difficult path
OF reclaiming my life
One memory
At a time.
Therisa © 2016
Author's note: This poem is, one of my most exhausting mentally and physically that I have written. It took me, 9 hours and 15 minutes, to do this. Needing several long breaks, to just write the first draft, in my writing workbook, yesterday. Not to mention, the 2 hours needed to transcribe this, onto one of e-mail accounts, before posting it, here. Right now, I can feel my stress levels reaching the point, I am having, the beginning, of a very nasty tension headache.
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