A Friday Afternoon (February 19, 2016)

www.braincoretherapy.com

Around me

The chaos of life

Bubbles forth

Like a babbling brook.

As I struggle

To stay connected

With myself.

Despite

My rising levels

Of anxiety

Reaching towards

A panic attack.

Leaving me

Feeling

Extremely vulnerable.

As people walk by

In the library.

In knowing

It's just my body

Extending

Its hyper-vigilance.

A by-product

Of an abuse past

I'm trying to

Overcome.

Fighting

This growing urge

To runaway

And hide

Inside my apartment.

To do so

Would be admitting

Once again

I have failed.

Refusing

To allow

Any tears of frustration

To grace my face.

As I beat back

The growing sense

Of being

A worthless failure.

Trying to control

My trembling hands

While

Typing this

Out.

In claiming

One small victory

At a steep price.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: Have been diagnosed, as having living, with chronic depression, various anxiety disorders and PTSD, (I refuse to say, suffering, as I know, these conditions, will be, with me, for the rest of my life) as the result of a very abusive past, growing up, as a child, and later on, as an adult. As part of my healing process, I have taken Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), at a local hospital, near my apartment. Never realizing, until afterwards, a lot of the stuff, I having doing, on my own, has been CBT techniques, to distract myself, in triggering situations, like the above poem. To analyze, what is causing this reaction, while, in the library.