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Before me
Stands
An open window
To my past
And future.
One
I had walked away
Fourteen years ago
On my own.
In hating
Whom I was.
But
Unable to voice
This inner truth
With anyone.
Family
Or friends.
Wanting
To rebuild
These bridges.
I have left
To rot
Over time.
Scared
By doing so
Will expose myself
To rejection
And hate.
For few know
The journey
I have taken
Since.
Do I take
This risk
And climb
Through this window?
Or
Slam it shut
Destroying all ties
To my extended family
And the past.
A question
I wrestle with
As both sides argue
Within my mind.
Against
The rising tide
Of anxiety.
Indecision
Wracks my brain
And soul.
While
Choking back
A nervous sigh
As I write this.
Therisa © 2016
Author's note: Earlier, this afternoon, I searched the name of one of my 26 paternal cousins, who I haven't seen, since June 2002, at a family reunion, marking the family's 50th year, of immigrating to Canada, from The Nederland. Of all of my cousins, he is, the one that I feel, the most comfortable around. growing up, being close, in age. I know, he's support of LGBT+ rights, which makes my decision, a tad bit easier, but I'm not sure, if I am ready, to share myself, with him.
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