Eulogy To Erin Stuart
"Today, we gather to bury the remains of Erin Stuart;
Erin lived a troubled and sad life, that was filled with brief moments of great joy;
Sadly, those moments were too short and painful;
Which, Erin sought release through the usage of illegal drugs, like crack and crystal meth;
Losing control over life and the ability to make decisions."
"With a fragile control over life, Erin decided to take a trip to Toronto;
A trip, which didn't end until Erin's death at the hands of a person(s) unknown;
This person(s) decided that Erin wasn't fit to continue living;
Brutally, beating the body until only dental records could identify , who the body belong to;
Breaking almost all of Erin's bones with a savage hatred, which shocked even the homicide detectives."
"Before the attacker(s) started to carve out a message on Erin's chest;
A message, so vile and full of hatred, i can't bring myself to repeat;
Please pardon me for not talking about something that defies all description of evil";
Stopping to wipe away tears that streamed down face, like the Mississippi River;
Blotching up my face and smearing my make-up.
"Forgive me, for getting emotional, but Erin was more than just a person that i knew;
Erin would listen to anyone, who needed someone to talk to;
Even to the point of putting that person's needs ahead of all else;
How many people can honestly, say that this is true for themselves?
I'm not trying to canonize Erin, for that would be lying and covering up Erin's faults."
"Some of you wonder, if i am going to talk about Erin's past before coming to Toronto;
Had thought of doing so, but Erin never talked much about the past;
Except, it had been filled with pain and hatred in the town that Erin grew up in;
Respecting, the need to let sleeping dogs lie, i never asked about it;
Some memories are best forgotten in the past. For the scars have never truly heal, even if 30 years have past."
Tears fall down my face and onto my carefully planned and typed notes;
Realizing that no one really knew the true Erin Stuart, not even Erin Stuart;
Should i continue with my brief interaction in Erin's life?
Knowing that i could only touch, what i thought was the truth;
Never sure that i had the whole truth or just an idealized version of it.
Then again, how many people really know the true person that exist within us, all;
We can only catch brief glimpses, which is filtered by our experiences;
Experiences, that nobody views in the same light or understanding;
Realizing this, i know that i have change the way, which i had planned Erin's eulogy;
Interjecting more of my own personality, while being honest to Erin, too.
"It would be so easy for me to gloss over the fact, that Erin Stuart was Trans;
Also, my lover and dearest friend in my life;
Before you get all self-righteous on me, Erin took the time to listen to all of us;
We all owe Erin, that debt and it will be paid back in full; today;
Starting with admitting facts, which are so easy to deny, when looking at Erin's body.
"Erin prevented me from taking my own life, when i first came to Toronto, and was living in a shelter;
My mom had basically denied having given birth to and raising me, as a male;
But, Erin saw beyond the facade and catch a glimpse of the true person, that i was;
A person in emotional and mental pain from denying themselves, for too many years;
Trust me, i was a very bitter and angry person, who struck out at anyone, who came close to me, emotionally.
"Through many long talks, lasting several hours, Erin slowly chipped away at it;
Mending the fragile person that sat there and did their damnest to hold onto the anger and self-hatred;
Two weapons that shielded me, when interacting with the uncaring world;
But, Erin taught me to look beyond this pettiness and allow people into my heart;
Thank you, Erin. I shall never forget those lessons of yours'."
Therisa © 2012
Author’s note: One of my older fictional poems, which I am presenting, flaws and all.
