DEPRESSION (ACROSTIC) (November 28, 2011)

Despondent

Ebbing

Pain

Regressing

Exile

Sleepless

Sluggish

Intense

Oversleeping

Numb

Therisa © 2011

A Gender War Survivor (January 10, 2014)

As I sit

Before you

In your office

You ask me:

"What does it mean

To be transgender?"

Tears flowing

And stuttering

From previous questions

I respond:

"It's living

Inside an alien body

Which no one realizes

But me.

"Forced to look at

And touch a birth defect

On a daily basis

That others view

As normal."

Except

I keep quiet

About parts of my life

Which the pain is

Still fresh

To my memory.

About the mental abuse

By my mom

Who used a misguided belief

I needed to be protected

24/7/365 from myself.

A by-product

Of my electrical burns

Around the corners

Of my mouth

When four years old.

But this pales

To the gathering storm

Which broke loose

Concerning my true gender.

Enduring months

Of constant harassment

As I grew my hair out

From it's conservative style.

Just phoning me

With offers to pay

For the hair cut

Which I hung up

On her.

Refusing to accept

Or believe

Her waning control

Over me

With each new "no".

Taking a neutral party

To stop her

And hammer out

A stressful truce

Between us.

Lasting

Until July 1, 2006

When you showed up

Unannounced and unexpected

At my apartment door

As is your wont to do.

Hell broke loose

As I answered the door

In a floral skirt and t-shirt.

Not sure

Who was

More surprised

You or I.

Staring at me

Like I had done

Something very wrong

To the universe.

Refusing to hear

What I had to say

Before cursing

And denouncing me

As your eldest child.

Well mom

Hell has frozen over

And I am not

Crawling back to you

Begging for your forgiveness.

Rather

Have turned my back

Upon your toxic demands

Blazing a new trail

Without you.

Therisa © 2014

Author's note: Another poem from my poetic vault.

Eulogy To Erin Stuart (June 10, 2012)

Eulogy To Erin Stuart

"Today, we gather to bury the remains of Erin Stuart;

Erin lived a troubled and sad life, that was filled with brief moments of great joy;

Sadly, those moments were too short and painful;

Which, Erin sought release through the usage of illegal drugs, like crack and crystal meth; 

Losing control over life and the ability to make decisions."

"With a fragile control over life, Erin decided to take a trip to Toronto;

A trip, which didn't end until Erin's death at the hands of a person(s) unknown;

This person(s) decided that Erin wasn't fit to continue living;

Brutally, beating the body until only dental records could identify , who the body belong to;

Breaking almost all of Erin's bones with a savage hatred, which shocked even the homicide detectives."

"Before the attacker(s) started to carve out a message on Erin's chest;

A message, so vile and full of hatred, i can't bring myself to repeat;

Please pardon me for not talking about something that defies all description of evil";

Stopping to wipe away tears that streamed down face, like the Mississippi River;

Blotching up my face and smearing my make-up.

"Forgive me, for getting emotional, but Erin was more than just a person that i knew;

Erin would listen to anyone, who needed someone to talk to;

Even to the point of putting that person's needs ahead of all else;

How many people can honestly, say that this is true for themselves?

I'm not trying to canonize Erin, for that would be lying and covering up Erin's faults."

"Some of you wonder, if i am going to talk about Erin's past before coming to Toronto;

Had thought of doing so, but Erin never talked much about the past;

Except, it had been filled with pain and hatred in the town that Erin grew up in;

Respecting, the need to let sleeping dogs lie, i never asked about it;

Some memories are best forgotten in the past. For the scars have never truly heal, even if 30 years have past."

Tears fall down my face and onto my carefully planned and typed notes;

Realizing that no one really knew the true Erin Stuart, not even Erin Stuart;

Should i continue with my brief interaction in Erin's life?

Knowing that i could only touch, what i thought was the truth;

Never sure that i had the whole truth or just an idealized version of it.

Then again, how many people really know the true person that exist within us, all;

We can only catch brief glimpses, which is filtered by our experiences;

Experiences, that nobody views in the same light or understanding;

Realizing this, i know that i have change the way, which i had planned Erin's eulogy;

Interjecting more of my own personality, while being honest to Erin, too.

"It would be so easy for me to gloss over the fact, that Erin Stuart was Trans;

Also, my lover and dearest friend in my life;

Before you get all self-righteous on me, Erin took the time to listen to all of us;

We all owe Erin, that debt and it will be paid back in full; today;

Starting with admitting facts, which are so easy to deny, when looking at Erin's body.

"Erin prevented me from taking my own life, when i first came to Toronto, and was living in a shelter;

My mom had basically denied having given birth to and raising me, as a male;

But, Erin saw beyond the facade and catch a glimpse of the true person, that i was;

A person in emotional and mental pain from denying themselves, for too many years;

Trust me, i was a very bitter and angry person, who struck out at anyone, who came close to me, emotionally.

"Through many long talks, lasting several hours, Erin slowly chipped away at it; 

Mending the fragile person that sat there and did their damnest to hold onto the anger and self-hatred;

Two weapons that shielded me, when interacting with the uncaring world;

But, Erin taught me to look beyond this pettiness and allow people into my heart;

Thank you, Erin. I shall never forget those lessons of yours'."

Therisa © 2012

Author’s note: One of my older fictional poems, which I am presenting, flaws and all.

Girl's Best Friend (November 24, 2009)

Friends shouldn't part

On such sour note

Never to have contact

Again.

No matter

What we wish.

Sigh.

You're always there

For me.

Celebrating

My life's high points:

Birthday parties

Trips to Dairy Queen

A stunning sunset

After a beautiful day

At the beach.

So many great memories.

Until

One August afternoon

A secret meeting

Between us.

Ending

On a bitter note

Forever dooming

Our relationship.

Wish

It wasn't so.

But reality says

Otherwise

For me.

Now

Death is
By Chocolate.

Therisa © 2009

Author's note: Another poem, from my poetic morgue. This time exploring my extreme food allergy that I have caffeine, through the lens of chocolate, which has become, my bitter enemy.