Poetic Blog (June 19, 2019)

Yesterday

Offered power

Of revenge.

Gift

Most would accept

Without question.

Yet struggle

With moral consequences

Doing so.

Anger and guilt

Intertwine.

Knowing

Payment is due

For predatory behaviour.

Want to say

Bleep them

They earned it.

Kick them

Onto the streets

Where they belong.

Am I

Better than them

For these thoughts?

Don't know.

Therisa © 2019

Author’s note: A follow up Poetic blog to June 9th one.

When Seeking Healing (June 11, 2019)

Behind this veil

My darkness hides.

Rather forget

When hatred/fear ruled

With an iron fist.

Nights filled

Tortured visions

Of another life

Haunting me.

An abused prisoner

Cowering

Inside a cell

Awaiting Fate.

Praying to Kali

Seeking release

From living nightmares

Permanently.

For inner freedom

So long denied

I've forgotten

What it feels like.

Therisa © 2019

Poetic Blog (June 9, 2019)

Guilt

And their naivete.

Grifter's secret weapons

Insidiously used

On targets.

Gifted ones

Play marks

Like a concert virtuoso

On a Stradivarius.

Manipulating them

Without realizing

With false promises.

Lucky ones

Realize early

Before serious damage

Is done.

Otherwise

Long painful recovery

Doubting yourself

And others motives.

In restoring

Self-confidence.

Therisa © 2019

Poetic Blog (May 11, 2019)

Tonight

I committed

A cardinal sin:

I prejudge someone.

For once

I’m glad

That I was wrong.

As thoughts

Of this person

Being held

In police custody

Dominated me.

In reality

They were resting

Letting their damaged knee

Heal.

As per

Doctor’s orders.

In the past

They’ve let their temper

Guide their actions

During times

Of emotional distress.

Seeing them

Opening the door

When I knocked

Sent my heart

Fluttering with relief.

Later

I admitted

My guilty thoughts.

Apologizing

For not trusting them

As they hugged me

Forgiving my transgression.

Therisa © 2019

Being Invisible (February 23, 2017)

Not sure

Why I'm feeling

Like  this

Today.

But

I am.

Like someone

Had draped

A veil

Over me.

Moving

Through life

Like a silent ghost.

Observing

Never really seen

By anybody.

As if

My life 

Doesn't matter.

Beyond

The space

I'm taking up

At the moment.

Is this

My depression speaking

Refusing 

To release me?

Soft sigh

Escapes me

As I ponder

This question.

Knowing

Whatever 

My answer is

I wouldn't like it.

Therisa © 2017

Author's note: How I am feeling, right now.

Clean Your Plate, There's.... (February 11, 2017)

Food.

A four letter

Curse word

In my daily lexicon.

Necessary evil

Rather avoid

But can't.

Needed

For my daily cocktail

I must take.

To ensure

My long term health.

Both

Mentally

And physically.

As I struggle

With various issues

In my life.

That shaped me

In whom

I am.

Truthfully

I see myself

As an ugly bloated

Beached whale.

Walking

On two legs.

A fact

Have struggled with

For most

Of my life.

Whereas

My ideal weight

People express concern

About my appearance

Being anorexic.

Like my constant battle

With depression.

I cycle

Between binging

And starving.

As if

I'm punishing

Myself.

Something

I started

At the age

Of 9.

Even now

In my starving periods

Eat just enough

For my meds

And nothing more.

Please understand

My shelves are full

With various healthy

Foods.

Just don't feel

Hungry.

Forcing myself

To eat something

For the meds.

Therisa © 2017

Author's note: Over the past 2 years, have talked with my medical team, about this, as it impacts, on my diabetes and other parts, of my overall health. 

November 30. 2016 (December 13, 2016)

Since

The age of six

I have been told

To suck it up.

Whenever

It came

To strong emotions.

Thus

My angry outburst

During therapy

Shocked and angered

Me.

Feeling like

I'm a failure

For releasing 

This negative emotion.

As guilt 

And anger

Filled me.

In breaking

A taboo

I need removed

From my life.

And yet

It scares me

To do so.

Knowing

Will be forced

To face life

Without this filter.

In all

Of it's rawness

And intensity.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: Not sure, if I should call this, a breakthrough session, in allowing some of my suppressed anger, to release, in a safe and controlled manner. In the past, people have reacted surprised, when I have let my anger loose. As if, they expect me, to not have any anger, within me, because I am slow to release it.