Emotional Roller Coaster (September 19, 2016)

Can feel it

Coming over me

Like a Siren

It calls.

A darkness

Forever

Embedded

In my soul.

Who's

Corrosive touch

Is resistance

To all known treatment.

Except 

Death.

Wiping away

Tears of frustration.

A dark brown trail

Streak my cheeks

From those

I missed.

As concussive waves

Explode

Over my body.

Leaving me

Weak.

Emotionally

And physically.

Wanting

To runaway

And hide

From everyone.

Caring not

Am damaging

Myself

By doing so.

Awaiting Hypos'

Calming embrace

That never

Seems to arrive.

When

I wait it.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: Starting Friday, September 16, 2016, until today, I have been riding an emotional roller coasters, as my mood has swinging drastically, between bouts of crushing depression and normalcy, for me. I haven't experience anything like this, since I was taking anti-depressants, several years ago. And I refuse to start my 9th anti-depressant/anxiety medication, which my family doctor was given, during a mini-psyche assessment, four years ago. Been there, done that, and got the ugly t-shirt, to prove it.

Just Another Tuesday Afternoon (August 16, 2016)

Can feel

My soul begin

The slow process

Of cycling 

Through my emotions.

As if

I stuck

In a viscous pool

Of molasses

Up to my neck.

Dropping

From a position

Of 5 steps 

Below equilibrium

Into a swan dive

Of 7 steps

Lower.

(Never able

To move 

Beyond 

Near equilibrium

From the depression side

Of the line.

(Even with

Various anti-depressant 

Cocktails

Over the years.)

Refusing 

Any new medication.

(Unless

I am placed

In a round 

Padded room.

(Wearing

A white canvas jacket

With long sleeves

That tighten

Behind my back.)

Without 

A second thought

My left hand moves

Towards the eyes.

To wipe away 

(Phantom) tears

(This time)

I have been shedding

On a constant basis

Over my lifetime.

As my eyes

Feel like

They're constantly

Crying.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: Wish I could say, this is an aberration of my daily life, but sadly, too many days are like this, for me, especially, during my semi-annual bouts of depression that strike me. 

Yesterday (August 15, 2016), my nurse practitioner and I, talked about sleep apnea and the possibility that I may have it, given all of the warning signs, I have. She suggested I get tested, with a sleep study, at one of the major teaching hospitals, here, in Toronto. Now, I have to wait one-two months, before the study happens overnight, at the hospital, and see, what the report says, about my sleep patterns.