Saturday, 13 February 2016

Standing Before, The Portal Of Past, Present And Future (February 13, 2016)

www.quotehd.com


Before me
Stands
An open window
To my past
And future.

One
I had walked away
Fourteen years ago
On my own.

In hating
Whom I was.

But
Unable to voice
This inner truth
With anyone.

Family
Or friends.

Wanting
To rebuild
These bridges.

I have left
To rot
Over time.

Scared
By doing so
Will expose myself
To rejection
And hate.

For few know
The journey
I have taken
Since.

Do I take
This risk
And climb
Through this window?

Or
Slam it shut
Destroying all ties
To my extended family
And the past.

A question
I wrestle with
As both sides argue
Within my mind.

Against
The rising tide
Of anxiety.

Indecision
Wracks my brain
And soul.

While
Choking back
A nervous sigh
As I write this.

Therisa © 2016


Author's note: Earlier, this afternoon, I searched the name of one of my 26 paternal cousins, who I haven't seen, since June 2002, at a family reunion, marking the family's 50th year, of immigrating to Canada, from The Nederland. Of all of my cousins, he is, the one that I feel, the most comfortable around. growing up, being close, in age.  I know, he's support of LGBT+ rights, which makes my decision, a tad bit easier, but I'm not sure, if I am ready, to share myself, with him.









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