November's Tears (November 10, 2017)

Once more

November's gray skies

Hover over my soul

Draining me.

A time

Where death comes forth

Like the fiery Santa Ana winds

Claiming it's due.

Find myself

Struggling to keep afloat

As the holocaust threatens

To consume me

In it's embrace.

Knowing

Time isn't 

On my side.

As the growing darkness

Looms larger

Upon the horizon

Before me.

Awaiting

For the coming downpour

That leaves my soul

A frozen shell

In the desolate landscape.

As I have one foot

In this world

With the other 

Straddling the line

Between life and death.

Knowing

That November is

The month of death.

Therisa © 2017

Author's note: November 10-20th, is one of my darkest period on the calendar, in which, many somber remembrances and anniversaries are observed. On top of my SAD that usually last from November to mid--March, before I can leave the grip of severe depression. Although, over this past year I have been dealing with a chronic depression, except for brief periods, hasn't left me. Struggling to write, as my depression has chased my muse away. 

Breaking Away (November 1, 2016)

If April is

The month of showers

And May

Flowers.

Then

November is

The month of tears.

I say this

As storm clouds 

Gather.

A time of death

And rebirth.

Of family lost

And a soul

That's reclaimed

From the dead.

As the healing process

Works its way

Through me.

Marking

The transition period

From light to dark

And back

Again.

Refusing

To let the pain

Claim me

As another victim

Of hate.

As it has

For too many year

In my life.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: Today is, an anniversary date for me, which 3 years ago, I broke off my last contact with my abusive mom. Thus, cutting off, all contact with my biological family. At the time, I had asked her, if it was possible for her, to get my birthday and Christmas gift, at the same time, as the country roads to her home, can become unsafe, from November until April, due to snow. For I had asked her, for help on buying a new winter jacket, for myself. Needless to say, she found countless excuses, why she couldn't help me, when I rarely ask for anything, from me. After hearing her last excuse, I told her, to sod off and want nothing more, to do with her, in my life. 

Am so tired, of having to fight anxiety attacks, playing by her restrictive rules, whenever I want/or need to contact her, of seeing her eyes filled with fear, which she denies. Her refusal to entry my apartment, as if, I have bedbugs, inside. Generally, being treated, as a childish family member, one can barely tolerate, at the best of times. Who needs, all aspects of their live, to be controlled, by an "adult". As if, I was mentally unable to look, after myself.