July 1, 2018
Twelfth anniversary
Healing process started
Mom rejecting me
As her daughter.
Decades
Previously lived
Life of denial
About abusive/bullied past
And who I am.
Internalizing
Pain and shame
Associated with abuse/bullying
Behind porous mental walls.
Suffering
Abject silence
Mental health crisis.
Paralyzing flashbacks
Tsunamis of uncontrollable rage
Crippling body and soul
Reliving brutal memories
Thought forgotten.
People ask
“Why didn't you tell someone?”
I did
Damn it!
Told
Stand up
Defend myself
Punished-doing so.
Or
Warned to silence
By a parent.
Else
Ignored
When help sought.
Any wonder
Most cases of abuse/bullying
Never get reported
Given these reactions.
As if
Collateral damage
On life's highway
Like roadkill
Pushed to the shoulder.
Viewed
Never observed
By passing drivers.
Not wanting retraumatization
In a hostile environment
A court case/civil suit
Would involve.
Attacking every aspect
Of my life
By the legal system
In its adversarial nature.
Regardless
Statute of limitation
Have expired.
Never shall
These memories
I have lived
Ever be denied
Again.
Therisa © 2018
Author's note: As I write this poem, the U.S. Senate is holding a Judiciary Committee hearing into allegations that Supreme Court justice nominee Judge Brett Kavanaugh had sexually abuse a woman, while in high school, at a house party. Before recommending his candidacy be voted on, by the Senate, in an up and down manner.
Personally, I believe Dr Blasey Ford and the other women, who have come forward with their experiences, regarding Judge Kavanaugh. Facing personal attacks from total strangers that amount to abuse and criminal harassment. Something, I don't have the internal courage to do so.
Some will argue that the events of high school and university, shouldn't dictate, how we view Judge Kavanaugh’s appointment to the U.S. Supreme Court. Problem is, it does. There is too much at stake, to let this be dismissed, as boys being boys. For we're responsible for our actions, regardless, of our age, when they happened. There is no excuse for any type of abuse.
Should Judge Kavanaugh win the nomination to the U.S. Supreme Court, it'll mark a huge step backwards for the United States. If so, I hope the Republicans lose control of the Senate and House of Representatives. Trump needs a counterbalance to his destructive policies.
FYI: I have chosen Tori Amos’ Crucify (1992), as she sings about her own rape experience. I know, I have experienced similar feelings about my own abusive/bullying past. Thank you, Tori, for so elegantly expressing the pain that many abuse survivors live with.
1 comment:
We can see by what is going on on the news right now, that women are rarely believed or supported when they speak up. Sigh. I am sorry you went through this, Therisa. The burden of pain must be severe. Rejection by a mother is especially hard to bear.
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