Friday, 17 March 2017

An Ending (August 8, 2013)

Never
Sexually assaulted
By you.


But
Your actions
Raped my mind
And soul.


In destroying
A child
Filled with hope
And Dreams.


As my tears
Forms a noose
Around my neck.


Each new tear
Adds an additional loop
Until thirteen is reach
And tightened.


As the trap door
Opens.

Therisa © 2013

Author's note: Originally posted, on a peer support PTSD site, as part of my trauma diary, here. This poem deals, with the summer of 1985, and the violence that I experienced, at the hands of my younger brother, and I feel towards myself, about it.

22 comments:

  1. Tears forming a noose... the pain is tangible.

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    Replies
    1. It was a very dark time, in my life, Thotpurge, one, I wish could erase, forever.

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  2. no other word could describe the severity of the pains suffered...

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    Replies
    1. Sadly, Sumana, too many people must experience this horror, in their lives, whether they be, a child or an adult.

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  3. I am so sorry you were abused by one of your own family. I do hope that by writing and talking about it helps to put it right behind you so you can become the person that you want to be.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Robin, for your concern and wishes of healing. Until I posted this poem, here, I haven't read it, in almost 4 years. The posting is another step, in my healing process.

      Delete
  4. Assault of any kind is horrendous...may you work through those tears and gain strength from them. I do think rereading your words & sharing them can help your process.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Mary. Must admit, not of my poems are, as personal as, this one is. I do need to continue the healing process, that this poem is, but one step, forward.

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  5. Unfortunately, there's more than one way to experience trauma, and you've expressed that clearly here. The journey to healing is one with many steps and sometimes we retrace those steps by re-reading trauma journals from years ago or posting poems from years ago. Wishing for you whatever steps will help in your process of healing.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, C.C., for your healing wishes. Although, I do have to be careful, as there some poems that I am not ready to reread or share them, yet. As they still hold triggers, for me.

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  6. So glad you are beginning to put the past to rest, and look to the future and helping others.

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    Replies
    1. Am trying, Bev, and Venus, Squeak and Star won't let me, forget. AS they're part of my healing journey, as well.

      Delete
  7. So sad... and abuse is not just rape... the image of tears forming a noose is so sad.

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    Replies
    1. I know, Bjorn, about 1/3 of trans-people will attempt suicide, before the age of 20, from bullying, abuse by family members or outright rejection, of whom they are.

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  8. It is terrible what humans can do to other humans, especially sad when the victim is a child. I am glad you are a survivor and are on the path of healing, understanding that what happened to you should not have happened. The tears forming a noose is especially powerful.

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    Replies
    1. I agree, Sherry, but it happens, to too many children, as our court system proves. As for noose metaphor, it just felt right, at the time, of writing this poem.

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  9. The worse thing that can happen to a person is to be hurt by those who are meant to love them, even protect them. The soul wants to refuse that the damage is happening, but it can only deny the horror for so long.

    Thank goodness you are not in that place anymore, and that you are able to work through it today.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Magaly, many decades, I hid these memories, behind mental walls, until they collapsed on me, and I was forced to deal with these memories, all at once. Not an experience, I would wish on my darkest of enemies.

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  10. ...and at that point the rope breaks :)
    ZQ

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, R.K., for that positive thought.

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  11. May the long-lasting effects of this experience finally be eased!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Rosemary. Sadly, these can never totally be erased, just lessen their impact, upon me.

      Delete

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