Wednesday, 22 March 2017

A Letter To Whomever (April 5, 2014)

Dear Whomever;
What you are
About to read
Isn't a justification
Of my reactions.
The situations
I have faced
During my life.
For those
Who don't know me
I was born
A girl trapped
Within a boy's body.
Like most trans-people
I knew
At an early age
My body is
The few happy moments
Of my early childhood
Which I can remember.
As a 4
Or 5 years old.
Exiting the bathroom
With a towel
Around my armpits
Like mom.
Mom dusting me
With her rose scented
Talcum powder
Just like she does
After a bath.
Or using the foam
From a scented bubble bath
To give me
A chest like her.
Even now
A small smile
Graces my lips
At these memories.
A hot summer's day
In August 1977
A Sunday
To be exact.
When my dreams
Came crashing down
Like a toxic avalanche
Of hate and fear
Upon me.
Learning the hard way
"Little boys" shouldn't be
Wonder Woman
While playing superheroes.
Pedaling away
In abject fear
As fast as
My little legs could
Back home.

Never again
Shall I let her out
Into the light.
For the danger
Is too great
If I want to survive.
As the verbal
And physical blows
Rained down
Upon my body and soul
Like an unrelenting hailstorm.
Ever deeper
Into Hell.
Keeping quiet
For 28 years
While Death appeared
The perfect solution
For my pain.
Until November 15, 2005
When the shackles
Fell from my body
At dad's graveside.
Relearning a truth
I had buried
So deep
Within my soul.
I am
A woman.
As the tears flow
Slowly eroding
The decades of self-hate
I had bottled up.
Must admit
This treacherous road
Which I travel upon
Is filled with many sorrows
And joys.
Able to break
A lesser heart
Than mine.
When rejected
By love ones
Who should be
Supporting you
During a trial
Like this.
But the truth has 
Never been
An easy mistress
To truly embrace
At any time.
As the past 9 years
Have proven to me
Forced to relearn
What true friendship is.
As the little girl
Is released
From her decades-long
And into the light
To play.

Therisa © 2014

Author's note: Another poem taken, from my poetic vault, previously unposted poem, to any site. Occasionally, I will write a letter, in the form of a poem, to express thoughts or ideas that tradition forms limit me, from doing.

1 comment:

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I most admire "able to break a lesser heart than mine." Some of us have very hard struggles. But our spirits are up to the task. I loved the innocence of those four and five year old memories, and am sorry for how soon you had to learn to hide your true self. I am glad you finally liberated yourself into the light of day.

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