Wednesday, 3 February 2016

This Is Me (February 2, 2016)

Identity

noun, plural identities.
1. the state or fact of remaining the same one or ones, as under varying aspects or conditions:
The identity of the fingerprints on the gun with those on file provided evidence that he was the killer.

2. the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another:
He began to doubt his own identity.

3. condition or character as to who a person or what a thing is; the qualities, beliefs, etc., that distinguish or identify a person or thing:
a case of mistaken identity; a male gender identity; immigrants with strong ethnic identities.

4. the state or fact of being the same one as described.

5. the sense of self, providing sameness and continuity in personality over time and sometimes disturbed in mental illnesses, as schizophrenia.

6. exact likeness in nature or qualities:
an identity of interests.

7. an instance or point of sameness or likeness:
to mistake resemblances for identities.


November 15, 2016
Will mark
My 11th anniversary
Of my acceptance
For whom
I am.

Having spent
Over 28 years
In hiding.

Filled with shame
Fear and self-loathing
Since August 1977.

(As my family live
In a small rural
Ontario village
At the time.)

A vain attempt
To protect myself
From the other kids
Who sought
To attack me.

Both verbally
And physically.

Turning
Their negative energy
Inwards
In a corrosive manner.

Where
Life has no meaning
Beyond death
And release.

Until
One day
In early 2005
I stopped suppressing
Myself.

Letting out
This timid child
Into the light.

Offering her
A chance to grow
And heal.

In realizing
After a few months
Of cross dressing
This wasn't me.

I need more
In my life.

To fill
This huge hole
In my soul.

Standing over
My dad's grave
On November 15, 2005.

I found myself
Able to release
This 10 tonne elephant
From my shoulders.

As tears of relief
Streaked my face
In  the late morning mist
On an unusually mild
Mid-November day.

As I shared
With my dad's ashes
My true self.

By taking 
The first steps
In my journey
Of real healing
As a woman.

With small steps
Towards the ending
Of my abusive
And destructive past.

In the rebirth
Of myself
As Therisa.

Regardless
What others think
Whom I am.

I'm
A
Woman.


Therisa © 2016


Author's note: The hardest journey, one will ever undertake, is to look deeply, into ones soul and make the necessary changes, for true healing to occur. Even if, this means, you must go against the flow that Society views, as normal. Knowing, you'll face fierce opposition, based upon, fear fuelled ignorance around anything that's different.


13 comments:

  1. I can see that you do know in depth the meaning of IDENTITY. And it is good that you now are accepting just who you are & taking some steps toward the positive. I know it isn't easy oftentimes to claim just who you are! One day at a time......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Mary. It has taken me, a long time, to realize, the words of your comment. And yes, I am taking small steps, in reaching out, to those, who can help me, in this healing process.

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  2. I knew you would write a wonderful poem on this topic. I applaud your courageous journey, and your knowing that you must stand in the truth of who you are, no matter what the rest of the world thinks. All that matters is your own inner peace and being true to yourself. I am sorry for how you suffered in the past. Other kids can be so cruel. I am glad you are giving Therisa her chance to bloom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sherry. This poem was one of my more personal one, I have written, in awhile. Sadly, cruelty knows no boundary, as adults can be, just as mean, if not worse.

      Delete
  3. Therisa, the reason you got more comments on the poem you wrote AFTER this one was because, when you linked, you linked your BLOG rather than your individual poem. When I discovered this later, I changed your link to this specific poem which you had written for this prompt. Be sure when you link that you link the POST, not the BLOG.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Mary, for correcting my ignorance. Am still learning my way around the blog site. As for getting comments, it never entered into my mind, about this. Either way, both poems could have been considered as entry for Sumana Roy's word prompt, just I didn't mark it, as so.

      Delete
    2. Does this count, as a brunette moment?

      Delete
  4. It is always better to seek a path for oneself, be it less trodden still it's one's own giving their true identity, courage and happiness..seeking identity is seeking truth I think...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly, it can be a dangerous path, one can take, as I have found out, as I have walked upon it.

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  5. I find it saddening that you had to go through all of that. I am happy that you came to realize and be who you are... a true woman indeed.
    Well penned.
    -HA

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, HA, for your kind words. Sadly, transpeople, in other parts of the world, face even harder journey, then those of us, who live, in North America or western Europe.

      Delete
  6. I'm sure this prompt meant more to you than to many of us. I'm so glad you have the courage to bring out your true identity and that you are exploring, happy to discover what it means to be a woman. I thank you for your honest share.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you and your welcome, Myrna. It's part of my healing and sharing, which I hope, makes the next transperson's journey, easier than my own.

      Delete

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