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Prepping For Soul Soup (January 13, 2016)

Photo from http://www.hubpages.com Sitting down With a paring knife And a cooking onion In my hands. Taking my time To ensur...

Saturday, 22 October 2016

A Time Of Healing And Sorrow (October 22, 2016)

At least
For the time being
Are the fall rainstorms.

The past 72 hours
Has been nourishing
A land.

Long parched
From a hot
And very humid

The land cries out
"Thank you".

My soul
Starts to whither
Under these cascading

Reaching out
In desperation
For the golden rays
Of the sun
Upon it.

Each passing day
A small part dies
In the growing darkness
Of Fall and Winter.

Spring's arrival
With the longer days
Of light and warmth
Upon my soul.

Until then
By any means.

As SAD digs
Its ruthless talons
Tainted by
A merciless depression
Into my soul.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: During my first year (1990), at Carleton University, in Ottawa, Ontario, I suffered my first noticeable case of seasonal adjustment disorder (SAD), Starting, in late September and ending, in November, it was constantly raining. In October, it felt like every day, was rainy. Until this past year, I haven't talked about walking, beside the Rideau Canal, and have thoughts about jumping into winterized passage, with about 50 cm of water, at the bottom, from a height of 6 meters. 

Sadly, when I did approach staff for help, at Carleton University, it was dismissed, as me, being homesick, and not SAD, or would later find out, chronic depression. Until 2006, I didn't seek out any help for my silent struggle with mental illness. Since then, I have tried 8 different anti-depressant/anxiety medications, with varying degrees of success. Most of these drugs, I had to stop, as the result of brutal side effects that has forced my own doctor to have me, evaluated by psychiatrists, before prescribing any new med.  

Friday, 21 October 2016

October's Tears (October 21, 2016)

That time
Of the year
Is fast approaching
For me.

And season darkness
Claims me.

As I sink
Into a downward spiral
Of pain and sadness.

The beginning
Of my SAD season
Until January.

It clears up

I could say
Death doesn't play
A huge part
In my life.

It does.

As the raindrops
From a mid-October storm
Bathe my face
In wetness.

The tears
From everyone's

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: It's 10 days, before Halloween, and the fall rains have started, in part of the Great Lakes basin, stopping, only when the rain turns to snow, some time, in November/December. The 10 days from November 11th (Remembrance Day) to 20th (Day Of Trans-Remembrance), are about the darkness days, of the calendar, for me. With November 15th, being the anniversary date of my dad's death, in 1998. Also, the anniversary date of my self-acceptance of who I am, Therisa, in 2005, As I stood over, my dad's grave, crying, on a very mid-November day, when I realized, an inner true that I have been suppressing, since August 1977, I am female.

Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Plead For Peace (September 28, 2016)

Am so tired
Of this constant battle
I was wage
On a daily basis.

Just once
I wish You
My Goddess
Could grant me
True peace
For my ravage soul.

I may know
What true tranquillity
Is like.

My journey is
Finally over
On this mortal coil.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: Written, after another brutal night of broken sleep.

Saturday, 15 October 2016

From Meaning, To Reality (October 4, 2016)

Is not
Just a word.

A human right.

To live your life
Without terror
Or fear.

Go to school
Without being abused
In any form.

To walk
Outside your home
Without being attacked
Or killed.

Freedom is
A wishful dream
For many transpeople.

As we gather
On November 20th
To remember those
Who were killed.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: This poem was inspired by, the title, of a young adult book, Freedom's Just Another Word, standing in display, at my local library. 

Thursday, 13 October 2016

To Wish Impossible Dreams (October 13, 2016)

There are days
Like this
That I feel like
A total fraud.

As if
My very existence
Is an outright lie.

No matter
What I do.

Feeling like
I'm stuck
In those dark 
And violent days
Of my childhood.

To hide away
In the deepest corner
Of my apartment.

The little girl
I feel like
Right now.

I don't have
Dad's strong arms
To wrap me
In a supportive hug.

The type
He shared
Growing up.

Just once
I wish
For one 
Of those hugs.

For my tears 
To flow
Upon his shoulders.

Holding my daemons
For another day.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: This November 15th, will mark the 18th anniversary of my dad's death, from a fatal heart attack, on November 13th. And I find myself, missing him, more than ever, as he tried to encourage me, even though, he didn't understand the needs, I had, as a child, growing up, being ashamed of my need, to be female. 

Wednesday, 12 October 2016

Retail Therapy (October 12, 2016)

I see you
All decked out
To the "nines".

In your expensive
Brand name

Price tags
Still attached.

Strutting around
Like a gaudy Peacock
To my thrift store/clothing bank

And yet
I wonder.

Are you purchasing
Your happiness
With debit
And credit cards?

A crater exist
Within your soul
For fulfilment.

As you look down
At people
Like myself.

Like we're gum
On the soles
Of your latest
Air Jordan shoes.

Never seeing
That true wealth
Isn't found
In a department store
Or an auto dealership.

In one's ability
To share
And help others.

Of your needs
And wants.

In bringing joy
And happiness
To them.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: For the past 2 weeks, I have been battling, a very nasty flu bug that decided to arrive, a month earlier, than normal, for me. As this is, my third poem, I have written this month. Wish, I could say, all of my symptoms have gone away, but my asthmatic cough and nose bleeds are still hanging around. 

The Razor's Edge (October 7, 2016)

It's a dichotomy
That many
In my community
Must face.

The need 
To be open
And honest
About ourselves.

This need
Will be used
As a weapon.

In breaking down
The stigmas and barriers
In society's views
And attitudes
To the Trans community.

Naivete is
The blade of death
That sticks out
Of our exposed backs.

In assuming
People have changed
And old believes (or disbelieves)
No longer 

What some people
May say

The past
Has shown us
People tend 
To react 

With an experience
Of their comfort zone.

As fear
And hate
Rule their hearts
And minds.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: If anyone thinks, my last three stanzas are hyperbole, one, only has to read any history book, from the 20th century, to know, I'm right. Especially, how many innocent people were destroyed, during the "Red Scare" of the mid-20th century and the stigma attached, to being LGBT+, which is slowly evaporating.