Widening The Crack (June 12, 2016)

This Friday

I did something

That's totally

Out of character.

In opening up

And sharing

My self-harming secret

And the reasons

I harm myself.

Sure

In the past

I have written

And posted poems

About this.

(As I don't

Have to see

The reader's reaction

To my dark truths.)

(Thus

Don't feel like

I'm being judged

By them.)

But

Never shared

With someone

Who wasn't part

Of my healing team.

While

Dropping my shields

Even further.

By sharing

My passive anger

Towards myself.

Which

At times

Broils over.

Wishing

I had died

In November 1974

From the electrical burns

I had suffered

As a child.

Therisa © 2016

 

Author's note: Since January 2, 2014, I have been attending, on an on/off basis, an art program, for people, who have mental illness, and are trying to break through the barriers (stigmas) associated with it. Attending session, on Monday and Friday afternoons, whenever possible, for me. The above poem and breakthrough happened after the June 10th session, with another member, from the program, as we waited together, for the 506 streetcar, to take us, on our way home.

My Biggest Regret (March 14, 2016)

Within my mind

The toxic game

Of "what if"

Is being played out.

As I castigate

Myself

For being

Too chicken

In not telling you

About my true self.

Although

I think

You knew

I was different

From the other kids.

Just that

You wanted me

To speak

These words

In confirming

Your hunch

I'm gay.

Not sure

Whether

I should be laughing

Or crying

Dad.

For your intuition

Is only

Half right

About me

Being gay.

Dad

You have 

A daughter

And a son.

And not

the two sons

You went to

The grave

Believing.

Please

Forgive me

For waiting 7 years

After your death.

To tell

Your ashes

At the grave site.