Blue (October 6, 2019)

In my head

Joni Mitchell sings

Both Sides Now

As tears flow.

My soul

A distance place

Where memories are

Bittersweet smile

Upon my face.

Of those times

Struggling to find

Life's rich message

In my mind.

Wondering

Does it matter

At all?

Darkness

Gathers round

Threatening my illusions

With the sound

Of truth.

Body rocks

Back and forth

Seeking that rest

From life's test.

Knowing

Time has come

Where I've emerged from.

Looking for

That final kiss

To life's bliss.

As Joni's voice

Fades away

In the background.

Therisa © 2019 

Mother's Day 2019 (May 13, 2019)

Damn my emotions

Cursing the tears.

Realizing

Am triggering myself

Thinking about dad.

Thought

I had gotten past

This healing stage.

Looking back

So stoic

About publicly sharing

His emotions.

Having been told

Suck it up

When displaying

My pain.

Doing so

Is denying

Who I am.

Wiping away tears

As my vision

Grows too bleary.

And yet

He stood by

When struggling

With depression/anxiety

Throughout my schooling years.

Bitter mental laughter

Fills my mind

As I think

About Sunday’s irony.

Mother’s Day

And anniversary

Of his birth date.

There’ll be

No card

Nor gift giving.

Never mind

Sitting down

For dinner.

These raw emotions

Have never healed

From mom’s

July 1, 2006 rejection

Of me.

I’ve tried

Numerous times

To meet her demands

Without betraying myself.

And yet

Her fear and distrust

Remains.

A terminal cancer

For our parent/child

Relationship.

Therisa © 2019

Author’s note: For 3 days, I struggled with this, unable to write anything for this poem. As my emotions took me, on an emotional roller coaster ride that shook me, to my core. I’ve not feel the depth of emotions like this, since my opa’s death on my 14th birthday, 35 years ago. Yes, I’m dating myself, with this admission.