A Dream Postponed (May 10, 2017)

To some people

I am

A freak.

Who dreams

Of giving birth

To my own children.

But

Can't.

Genetics stopped

That biological clock

At conception.

Without great risk

To myself

Or my developing child

Outside of the womb.

How do I explain

To you

This feeling

Of incompleteness

I have.

In the early days

Of SRS

Of the late 1920's

And early 1930's

Doctors would've transplanted

Female reproductive system

From cadaver donours.

Enabling

My chance

Of a normal pregnancy.

Although

At great cost

Of rejection

For the transplanted organs.

Unlike today

Tissue typing

Wasn't done.

And anti-rejection drugs

Weren't developed

Yet.

As many transwomen died

From the shock

Of organ rejection.

And still

This siren call

Beckons me

Forward.

Of one day

Being able to hold

This bundle of joy

With stem cell research.

Regardless

Whether

We are cis

Or transwomen.

Therisa © 2017

Author's note: Given my age and medical condition, this remains a dream for me.  

Sound Of Total Silence (May 24, 2016)

My biological clock

Was still-born

At time

Of conception.

Never

Able to experience

What it means

To be fully female.

In all aspect

Of life.

Only

An approximation

At a surgical best

By a scalpel.

Leaving me

Neither

Male nor female

As a result.

Rather

A third gender

Straddling

The gender divide.

In fuelling

My unanswered yearning

To give birth

And hold

Within my arms

My own child.

No amount

Of counselling

Or river of tears

Can change this.

Thus

Haunting me

To the grave.

Therisa © 2016

Author's notes: Unlike the early years of SRS, the current version, doesn't include, the transplantation of the female reproductive system, into a trans-woman. In one way, sparing the horrors that the earlier SRS recipients had to face, with organ rejection and the numerous surgeries, as a result. But, I wonder, given the advances, in stem cell research, if it's not possible to do this, without the worry of organ rejection and the need to take medication for the rest of our lives, as a result of these advances. For myself, it's too late, and I know it.