Heavy Heart (December 27, 2019)

With a sad heart

I write this.

As one

Of Toronto's voices

For transgender advocacy

Is forever silenced.

On Sunday

December 22, 2019

Julie Berman (1968-2019)

Was murdered

By blunt force trauma

To her head.

Although

I've never met her

Still I grieve her death.

Toronto seems

Less safer

Since reading this.

Even though

Police have charged

A 29 year old man

With second-degree murder.

As we honour

The memories 

Of those stolen

By violence

From us.

For another year

On November 20th

Day of Transgender Remembrance.

Rest in peace

Julie.

Your fallen torch 

Shall be picked up

By new hands

Carrying it forward. 

Therisa © 2019  

Author’s note: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/julie-berman-toronto-trans-dead-1.5409429

I know, it's not of my better poems, but I needed to share.

Complicated (December 27, 2019)

I sit

On the bed's edge

Soulsearchin'

For that missing part

Deep within.

Clasping my face

Tears flow

Into darkness.

Personally

Held Satan's hand

A broken wretch

Before His feet.

Seeking guidance

After cast aside

Damned to Hell

By God's followers.

In sharing

My truth.

Told - have to pay

For my "cure"

By a family member.

When I sought love

And support.

Finding only

Ignorance and fear

In return.

Having played

By the rules

You've set.

Costing me 

My everyday life

And mental health.

Struggling

To rebuild myself

In my own image.

Never sure

If I'm reading

The proper manual.

Forced to improvise

What it means

To be female.

In these transitional times

I find myself

Living in.

Therisa © 2019 

Seasonal Blahs (December 22, 2019)

Damn it!

Crying jags

Already worsening

My depressed state.

Spontaneous tears

At the slightest of things.

Like a dam bursting

On a heavy spring melt

Swollen river

Without warning.

Destroying all

With its torrential current

Flooding nearby land.

Cutting out

From underneath me

What limited support

I've left.

Floundering

To keep my head

Above the frigid water

As my body threatens

To shut down.

Knowing

All too well

What repercussions

Await me.

Shall I fail

And surrender

To fate.

Witnessed

By the passage

Of bloated carcasses

In the raging river

Around me.

Therisa © 2019  

In Dangerous Times (December 18, 2019)

Six months ago

We celebrated

Stonewall Riots'

Fiftieth anniversary.

Now

Anger and fear

Replace jubilation.

President Trump strips

Medical and legal protections

Targetting LGBTQ+ communities.

In Canada

We've a saying

If the US sneezes

Canada catches a cold.

Not this bleeping time

If I can help it.

We've fought

Too hard and long

For our rights.

Paid in full

As witnessed

Through murders

And suicides.

Still we must fight

Kicking at the darkness

'Til it bleeds daylight*

Defending our rights.

Turning anger

Into love

With our Pride parades

For those - with hate.

Nothing

Is ever given

Without a price

Or a struggle.

Our mental

And physical scars

Form a road map.

Of our journey

To acceptance

And healing

That never ends.

Therisa © 2019  

Author's note: 

*Thank you, Bruce Cockburn, for writing these lyric, from your song, Lovers In Dangerous Times, which Toronto's own, the BareNakedLadies have covered. 

It has been a long journey, to complete this poem, over the past 3 months. During this period, I've struggled with serious bouts of depression and writer's block. For my American LGBTQ+ cousins, I hope Trump is removed from office, sooner than later, in a manner that stops, this witch hunt garbage. So the healing can begin. Although, I fear that it'll take decades, to undo the damage already done.

Forbidden Knowledge (December 16, 2019)

How do I tell you

Am so tired

Of constant lying

Who I am.

Filling my soul

With half-truths

That eat away

At me.

Like drops of acid

Destroying my soulscape

Word by word

From your mouth.

Until

Nothing is left

To grasp on

As my own.

This mortal sin

I have committed

In seeking

Life's meaning.

Knowing

There's no turning back

To where

I've come from.

Damning myself

By existing

For all eternity

In your judging eyes.

Where the cure

Is a price

Worse than death

For my disease.

No matter

How I justify this

On a personal level

To myself.

This mortal sin

I have committed 

In seeking

Life's meaning.

As tears flow

Blinding my eyes

To the ones 

Who matter the most.

Drowning

Within a mælstrom

Of self-loathing

And anger.

A vicious circle

That knows

No end

Until death.

As my body

Lays before you

For that final time

Before eternity.

This mortal sin

In seeking

Life's meaning.

Therisa © 2019

Author's note: There are times, I need to release my inner Gothic child. This is one of those times.

Doesn't help, I had Evanescence's My Immortal, as an earwig, for Sunday and today, in my mind. 

Before you ask, I'm not feeling suicidal, or anywhere need being so. Sometimes, a

poem/song forces its way, on to paper. Only stopping when fully written, regardless of

the quality of the writing.

Just Imagine (December 11, 2019)

We talk

About ending hate

In building bridges

Between communities.

And yet

These deaths

Continue to escalate.

Where the local news'

Lead story

Another senseless shooting

By hate filled fanatics.

Seeking a broader audience

To spew their toxicity

In drawing new martyrs

For their cause.

At what point

Do we stand up

Striking back

With love

To their hate?

Reclaiming

Our neighbourhoods

One block - at a time.

Where neighbours 

Don't live in fear

Of a car's backfiring

Or firecrackers exploding.

Is the death

Of a loved one

By gunfire.

Call me

A dreamer

Wanting to end

This hateful violence.

Maybe

One day

It will.

Until then

Shall mourn

Each lost life

As a family member.

Therisa © 2019

Author's note: My reaction to the hate-based mass shooting, in Jersey City, NJ (December 10, 2019). I had John Lennon's song, Just Imagine, playing in my mind, as I wrote this.