Calendar reads
Twenty-one months
And counting
For my current bout
Of depression.
A fact
Not proud of.
So easy
To lose oneself
In darkness and anger
Surrendering to this despair
Permanently.
Some
Like myself
Internalize this anger
Harming ourselves
By becoming suicidal.
Others
Externalize their anger
Becoming a threat
To themselves
And other people
For physical violence
And death.
And yet
During this period
Of prolonged darkness
Haven't felt this need
For desperate measures.
There have been
Momentary lapses
When suicidal thoughts
Emerged to the forefront.
Urging me
Take one final step
Into the great beyond
I've resisted.
Please understand
These suicidal thoughts
Are a part
Of my daily life.
Abuse/bullying survivor
Living with mental illness
And gender dysphoria.
Most people
Don't understand
The disconnect
Between body and soul
That drives me.
Of the pain generated
By my genetic deformities
Having a male body
With a female soul.
Especially
Hearing people using
The wrong gender pronouns
When addressing me.
Worse offenders
Are transphobic ciswomen
In position of power
Who know better.
Wrongly believing
We're fifth columnists
Sent by misogynistic men
And their political organizations
To destroy all advances
Made by women.
Advances
We want to build on
And enshrine
Into the legal system
Protecting everyone.
Ironically
Doing the heavy lifting
For theses "anti-women"
Movements.
These misogynistic women
Risk losing everything
For very little return
In denying our existence.
As judges/politicians
Impose their will
On this growing dispute
Leaving neither side
Satisfied with the compromise.
Growing concern
Governments reduce
Their fiscal responsibilities
Supporting rape/abuse centers
As waiting lists reach
Eighteen months and longer.
Centers denied access
For transwomen seeking help
On the claims
We're re-victimizing
Cisgender clients and staff
Who've experienced
Sexual assaults and abuse.
As if
Being the victim
To crimes of power
Is limited
To ciswomen.
Therisa © 2019
