Thoughts For International Women's Day (March 11, 2019)

Calendar reads

Twenty-one months

And counting

For my current bout

Of depression.

A fact

Not proud of.

So easy

To lose oneself

In darkness and anger

Surrendering to this despair

Permanently.

Some

Like myself

Internalize this anger

Harming ourselves

By becoming suicidal.

Others

Externalize their anger

Becoming a threat

To themselves

And other people

For physical violence

And death.

And yet

During this period

Of prolonged darkness

Haven't felt this need

For desperate measures.

There have been

Momentary lapses

When suicidal thoughts

Emerged to the forefront.

Urging me

Take one final step

Into the great beyond

I've resisted.

Please understand

These suicidal thoughts

Are a part

Of my daily life.

Abuse/bullying survivor

Living with mental illness

And gender dysphoria.

Most people 

Don't understand

The disconnect

Between body and soul

That drives me.

Of the pain generated

By my genetic deformities

Having a male body

With a female soul.

Especially

Hearing people using

The wrong gender pronouns

When addressing me.

Worse offenders

Are transphobic ciswomen

In position of power

Who know better.

Wrongly believing

We're fifth columnists

Sent by misogynistic men

And their political organizations

To destroy all advances

Made by women.

Advances

We want to build on

And enshrine

Into the legal system

Protecting everyone.

Ironically

Doing the heavy lifting

For theses "anti-women"

Movements.

These misogynistic women

Risk losing everything

For very little return

In denying our existence.

As judges/politicians

Impose their will

On this growing dispute

Leaving neither side

Satisfied with the compromise.

Growing concern

Governments reduce

Their fiscal responsibilities

Supporting rape/abuse centers

As waiting lists reach

Eighteen months and longer.

Centers denied access

For transwomen seeking help

On the claims

We're re-victimizing

Cisgender clients and staff

Who've experienced

Sexual assaults and abuse.

As if

Being the victim

To crimes of power

Is limited

To ciswomen.

Therisa © 2019