Thursday, 2 March 2017

Therisa Ascending (March 2, 2017)

From the smothering
Testosterone tainted ashes
I emerge
Once more.

As I brush off
Various remnants 
From my past life
Off my soul.

Knowing
A long road
Awaits me.

In my sojourn
As a woman.

Wiping away
Those bitter tears
Where hate reign
Supreme.

Surprising myself
With how far
I have travelled
In the past decade.

In finding
Courage and strength
To be honest and true
With myself and others.

Knowing
There are others
Who'll oppose
This journey
Of self-discovery
And healing.

On ignorance
Alone.

Pity.

Therisa © 2017

Author's note: Wednesday, March 2, 2007, marks the last day that I have worked when I quit my job, as the result of transphobic pressure, applied to me, by the company that I worked, for then. Basically, I had to fight, to attend a peer support group, that met twice, every month, except for December, as the group took that month off. Wasn't unusual for one of the company drivers, to make homophobic comments and jokes, as I worked. 

Over the past 10 years, I lost my apartment, lived in a homeless shelter, been on welfare and now, a provincial disability support program, for my chronic depression, anxiety disorders, agoraphobia, and PTSD. I have learned coping strategies, in dealing, with my various mental illness, and seeking closure, to my abusive past that I have suppressed, for most of my life, without realizing it, until my mental barriers collapsed, on August 14, 2007, when I experienced a 26 hour long panic attack, triggered, during a morning rush hour ride, on the TTC subway line 1. Since then, I have tried to avoid any appointments that placed me, on the TTC, during rush hour, whether it be morning or afternoon.

Am sharing this, with you, to show how far, I have travelled, in the past decade, and how much, is still left to be done, before I can rejoin society and earn my way, as a productive member, able to help others, with my experiences and knowledge. 

21 comments:

  1. Brave indeed....and once you embrace strength and boldness things will unfold in a manner for you to rejoice....stay happy...lots of love!

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  2. What an amazing and sad journey... hope it's just a beginning to something even better.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Bjorn, for your kind words and support, over the past year.

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  3. It is sad that ten years have passed and you are still wary of the world for there must be so many others around that could give you support. Let's hope things look up from now on.

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    Replies
    1. Robin, I do have people that help me, but my journey is one, which only I can take, and must do so. Too often, in the past, I have been betrayed, by those, who are close to me, so trust is a huge issue, for me.

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  4. I think your courage will inspire others. Thanks for sharing.

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  5. I have such compassion for all you are dealing with. The strength it must take...thank you for sharing your raw-but-beautiful poem.

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  6. Meanwhile your pull-no-punches poetry is a way to share what you have learned.

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  7. Oh, you definitely have come a long way. I commend you for your fortitude and your willingness to share your journey. Perhaps you should eventually think of writing a book?

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  8. You will travel far Therisa :) we are with you.
    As for your comment on my partial list in my blog. I completely agree. I just made a non exhaustive list from the top of my head.

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  9. Wishing you well.

    Happy Sunday Therisa

    much love...

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  10. When you reach the point of helping others, your pain will lessen and the reward enrich you. (A little armchair philosophy from Grandma Bev!)

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  11. I love the strength and the self assurance in this poem. Women will shake off all the trappings imposed by patriarchy and move forward.

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  12. Oh Bev has said something very profound...it is in helping others with what we have learned that we truly heal. And in your courageous poems, you are already sharing what you have learned and broadening awareness. Thank you for sharing, Therisa. You have come a long way, indeed.

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  13. I think the key is in the words of your poem...."once more"---emerging from the ashes once more....always once more, no matter where we have been or what we have faced, we emerge from the ashes just once more, to greater strength and higher heights.

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  14. I hope things improve for you in all ways. Life is a journey.

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  15. Your courage serves as inspiration.. thank you for sharing..

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  16. very determined and well-expressed. wish you a beautiful and triumphant journey!

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  17. I hope that by writing poems, your plight can be heard, Therisa. They can never but a good person down :) Loved the title, it's full of hope and a renewed confidence.

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  18. How wonderful to read a praise poem of you to you. Reminder to self to see if I can do the same for me!

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