Saturday, 22 October 2016

A Time Of Healing And Sorrow (October 22, 2016)

one
At least
For the time being
Are the fall rainstorms.

Which
The past 72 hours
Has been nourishing
A land.

Long parched
From a hot
And very humid
Summer.

While
The land cries out
"Thank you".

My soul
Starts to whither
Under these cascading
Droplets.

Reaching out
In desperation
For the golden rays
Of the sun
Upon it.

Knowing
Each passing day
A small part dies
In the growing darkness
Of Fall and Winter.

Awaiting
Spring's arrival
With the longer days
Of light and warmth
Upon my soul.

Until then
Survival
By any means.

As SAD digs
Its ruthless talons
Tainted by
A merciless depression
Into my soul.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: During my first year (1990), at Carleton University, in Ottawa, Ontario, I suffered my first noticeable case of seasonal adjustment disorder (SAD), Starting, in late September and ending, in November, it was constantly raining. In October, it felt like every day, was rainy. Until this past year, I haven't talked about walking, beside the Rideau Canal, and have thoughts about jumping into winterized passage, with about 50 cm of water, at the bottom, from a height of 6 meters. 

Sadly, when I did approach staff for help, at Carleton University, it was dismissed, as me, being homesick, and not SAD, or would later find out, chronic depression. Until 2006, I didn't seek out any help for my silent struggle with mental illness. Since then, I have tried 8 different anti-depressant/anxiety medications, with varying degrees of success. Most of these drugs, I had to stop, as the result of brutal side effects that has forced my own doctor to have me, evaluated by psychiatrists, before prescribing any new med.  

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