Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Speaking An Unspoken Truth (December 20, 2011)

Oh Goddess
Please help me
To understand
Where this anger
Comes from.


Which
This black rage
Fills me
With homicidal
And destructive
Thoughts.


As
I struggle
With PTSD.


Although
My last black rage
Happened two years ago
The threat remains
It will return.


This
Is not me
To want to
Hurt another person

But it is.

Therisa © 2011

Author's note: Another poem from my poetic morgue.

Saturday, 22 July 2017

Why Can't I Be You? (August 16, 2012)

Why
Do I have
This need to be
Perfect?


Knowing
No one is.


Yet
It exists.


As
Echoes of my past
Keep resurfacing
In the present.


Haunting
Everything
I do.


A simple task
Like accepting
Or giving a hug
Is a traumatic experience.

As waves of anxiety
Flood my body.


Forcing friends
Or love ones away
Hurting them
By doing so.


While
My face lights up
Like a deer caught
In the headlights.


As my frustration
And anger build up
Internally.


Over my reaction
To their offer
Of support and love.


With each rejection
A part of my soul
Dies.

Therisa © 2012

Author's note: Another poem from my poetic morgue.

Friday, 21 July 2017

Letter To My Depression (December 6, 2011)

Hello
Old friend
Been awhile
Since our last meeting.


Not sure
Why I'm calling you
A friend.


Given
Our very destructive
Relationship
Over the years.


Which
More often
Than not
Have seen me
Trying to end
My life.


You realize
I am so tired
Of your presence
In my life.


Turning
My life
Upside down.


May surprise you
And accept your offer.


Just
To shut you
Up.


Silencing
Your seductive voice
Inside my head
Once and for all.

Therisa © 2011


Author's note: Another poem from my poetic morgue.

A Night Like This (October 11, 2011)

Still
Hear your voice
Calling me
"Fucking useless
Piece of shit."

As
Your blows
Rain down
Upon my body.

Although
Thirty-one years
Have past.

As similar dreams
Haunt my troubled soul
With their corrosive
Memory.

Since
The final remnants
Of my mental walls
Collapsed
In August 2007.

Plaguing my existence
Since.

Therisa © 2011

Author's note: Another poem from my poetic morgue.

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

PTSD (January 11, 2014)

Silence.
 
The sound
One prays for
When the past is screaming
In an unrelenting blast.

Stirring up
Bitter old memories
Best left behind
But can't.
 
Of times
The body and brain 
Are subjected
To extreme trauma
They weren't designed for.
 
Memories hidden
And tuck away
Behind mental walls.
 
So very flimsy
And yet
Incredibly strong.
 
Until triggered
By something
So innocent
Like a song word
Or a smell.
 
Leaving you trapped
Frozen
In that moment
Of time.
 
Unable to move
Your terror ridden body
Until the moment
Has expired.
 
And reality resumes
Minus the time
Which you have lost
In the past.
 
Leaving a hole
In your consciousness
Never to be
Regained.

Therisa © 2014

Author's note: Another poem, from my poetic morgue.

Sunday, 9 July 2017

The Doll...Part 6 (January 22, 2011)

Stacey had decided
To dress up
For her 13th birthday
Wearing the new dress
Mom had given her
As a birthday present.

Running her hands
Down the side of
The pale blue dress
As they waited
For Jane to exit the car.

Scared
Yet excited
By being in public
For the first time
As a young girl.

Stacey's hands were sweating
From her nervousness
But it was too late
To back out now.

Linking her right arm
Around mom’s left arm
As the three of them
Entered the restaurant
Where they always
Went for birthday celebrations.

Dad was already there
And had been seated
By one of the serving staff.

At first
He didn’t recognize
His youngest child
Stuart/Stacey.

As Jane had taken the time
To show her
How to properly apply make-up
Another gift from mom.

“Jack
Before you get angry
And do something extremely stupid
You need to know
We have two daughters now.”

Mom laid the law
In an icy voice
Brooking no argument
From dad.

“Not in my home
Will I allow my son
To be turned into a sissy
By you and Jane!”

He bitterly retorted
Walking out of the restaurant.

“Am sorry
You had to experience this
Stacey”.

Mom placed her arms
Around a sobbing Stacey
Trying to consolidate
Her youngest daughter.

Unknown to Stacey and mom
Jane had brought
A long box
Wrapped
In feminine birthday paper
Into the restaurant.

“Here you go
Sis.”

A huge smile
Was painted
On Jane’s face
Matching Stacey’s.

As she handed Stacey
Her birthday present
One of her porcelain dolls
From her collection.

Knowing full well
The impact her words
And gift
Would have Stacey
And the rest of the family.

But she did not care
As long as Stacey
Was happy.

Being
Who she is:

A young woman
Blossoming
Into her own.

Therisa © 2011

Author's note: The sixth part of six, from a poem taken from my poetic morgue.

The Doll...Part 5 (January 22, 2011)

A quick knock
On Stacey/Stuart’s bedroom door
Was greeted by
A hurried
“Just one moment please”.

“It’s ok Stacey
You do not have hide
Anymore”
Jane told her
Through the closed door.

Slowly
The door open
A half dressed Stacey
Looked out.

Not sure
If she had heard right
From her big sister.

“You heard right Stacey
From me.”

Jane rushed forward
Crushing Stacey
In a fierce hug.

“If it's ok with mom
You can dress up
Anytime you feel the need
To do so.”

Huge beaming smile
Lit up Jane’s face
As she spoke those words.

“But
You can't touch
Any of my dolls
That you so
Want to.”

Reminding Stacey
Of the prohibition against
Touching the dolls.

“But things
Have known
To change around here".

Therisa © 2011

Author's note: The fifth part of six, from a poem taken from my poetic morgue.

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