Saturday, 25 February 2017

My Salvation (February 25, 2017)

Hard to believe
A decade will have pass
This August.

Since
My last interaction
With my younger brother
In telling him:

"You're dead
To me.

"Next time
I see you
You'll be 6 feet under."

Rebuilding my life
Piecing together
The various fragments
Of a complex jigsaw puzzle.

Where
No two pieces
Are cut
With the same die.

Having learnt
The harsh lesson
Of not forcing things
To fit.

Because
I wanted them
To.

As a panic attack
Gripped my soul
In it's tightening grasp
With little chance
Of letting go
Anytime soon.

Writing
About my abusive past
In a series of monologues
On my transitional journey.

Needing to prove
To myself
My dark memories
Don't control me.

I do.

In seeking
Their release
In the written word
That I can't speak
To others.

However
Painful
It may be
At that moment
In time.

Therisa © 2017

Author's note: Isn't it ironic, my multiple learning disabilities, which made writing anything near impossible, as I struggled, in school and university. Now, shape my healing process, and my ability to write poetry, in expressing myself, to others. As if, a key has been fitted, into a locked door, opening it, to a new me, I never knew existed, 10 years ago, when I wrote my first poem, on March 30, 2007, since leaving high school, in June 1990.



32 comments:

  1. I enjoyed reading your poem. Sorry about your problems. Keep writing. Love love, Andrew. Bye.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Andrew, just part of my journey, that I have to walk through, in the healing and uniting of body and soul.

      Delete
  2. no two pieces are cut from the same die... you speak in a voice that resonates at many levels.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Thotpurge, that stanza almost wrote itself, with minor adjustments, to it.

      Delete
  3. Poetry is therapy...I so agree! Your poem is so honest and raw.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sherri, one has to be honest, for true healing to happen, when dealing with abuse, I have faced.

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  4. I think you have come a long way in ten years. Poetry definitely is helpful & a great release. Glad you are willing to share your journey.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Mary, for your personal vote of confidence, in me. There have been times, when I had doubted myself, to the point, life seen unlivable, at the time.

      Delete
  5. Conquering the demons we believed invincible tends to make us stronger. And writing is a great weapon to fight with.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Magaly, often the healing process,seems to take forever, and don't notice the changes, within ourselves, in my case, my friends are constantly telling this.

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  6. I admire the story told, and the journey made. The path of healing is a brave one, and you have the courage to make the trip.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sherry, you have been a big part of this, as well, by encouraging me, and lending an ear, when I have needed it.

      Delete
  7. The key is a wondrous one, especially when it opens to words like these:
    "Piecing together
    The various fragments
    Of a complex jigsaw puzzle."
    and these:
    "My dark memories
    Don't control me."
    Poetry is personal, but also a pattern of truthsaying we gift to others.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Susan, for your kind words. Often, am scare that someone will take me, for a Troll, posing, as an abuse survivor, knowing that they exist out there.

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  8. I think there are a moment when we have to find a new part of the puzzle to make it fit... maybe in years to be, you will find that perfect piece... or if not you have to take the part you have and survive on poetry.

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    Replies
    1. So very true, Bjorn, and it still requires, one must work it, for this to occur. Otherwise, you're wasting your time.

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  9. I agree, poetry is truly good for the soul.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sanna, especially, when I have troubles vocalizing my concerns and issues, to others.

      Delete
  10. Sometimes, when we push to help others, we unwittingly heal
    ourselves. It nourishes our journey. May your journey be nourished.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have witness this, with Star, an abuse kitten that I offered shelter to, more than 5 years ago. Yes, she still show signs of her abuse, still, but she share her love, helping me, to move forward, in my own healing.

      Delete
  11. There's a feeling of freedom when we stop trying to force things to fit together when they shouldn't. And of course writing is a wonderful way to work though deciding which things are no longer a good fit.

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  12. Don't do it, when he dies you'll be very, very sorry. I have family problems too and I know. Find a common ground somewhere.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly, Bekkie, I'm past caring about him, and his narcissistic alcoholic ways, for too long, I have sought to curry his favour, only to be beaten down, again again. We're polar opposites of each other, and never shall we meet, on any common ground, beyond sharing the same DNA, from our birth parents.

      Delete
  13. I think our wounds and our blessings are intertwined or lie close together. The image really adds, especially when you scroll down slow and see the onions last.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The image was for another poem that I posted here, my first shared poem, called, "Prepping For Soul Soup", Colleen. Never figured out, how to change that image, so I have left it, as is.

      Delete
  14. Healing comes in all sorts of ways--and sometimes in the small things in life--

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If we're wise to see, and brace them, as they occur, in our lives. Am blessed, with 3 little miracles, who share my life; Star, Squeak and Venus, in offering me, their love and attention. Pulling me, out of the darkness, that I, often find myself, in.

      Delete
  15. We are all individuals and must live and love our own lives to survive. The beauty of humanity is in its variety and adaptablilty. You do not have to conform to other's way of thinking.

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    Replies
    1. And yet, society expects us, to conform to it's rigid definitions that it has, in regards, to gender and sexuality, Robin. Even, the non-conformist must conform, to survive and thrive.

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  16. I hope you have found your peace and comfort in writing. I, too am writing poetry to let go of hardships and try to welcome much needed happiness and above all, peace. Have a great day!

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  17. I am glad you found the key to your lock. In using it you also unlock the minds and hearts of your readers.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Not forcing things to fit because we want them to is a hard lesson to learn, but once learned leads to freedom.

    ReplyDelete

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