Saturday, 11 February 2017

Clean Your Plate, There's.... (February 11, 2017)

Food.

A four letter
Curse word
In my daily lexicon.

Necessary evil
Rather avoid
But can't.

Needed
For my daily cocktail
I must take.

To ensure
My long term health.

Both
Mentally
And physically.

As I struggle
With various issues
In my life.

That shaped me
In whom
I am.

Truthfully
I see myself
As an ugly bloated
Beached whale.

Walking
On two legs.

A fact
Have struggled with
For most
Of my life.

Whereas
My ideal weight
People express concern
About my appearance
Being anorexic.

Like my constant battle
With depression.

I cycle
Between binging
And starving.

As if
I'm punishing
Myself.

Something
I started
At the age
Of 9.

Even now
In my starving periods
Eat just enough
For my meds
And nothing more.

Please understand
My shelves are full
With various healthy
Foods.

Just don't feel
Hungry.

Forcing myself
To eat something
For the meds.

Therisa © 2017

Author's note: Over the past 2 years, have talked with my medical team, about this, as it impacts, on my diabetes and other parts, of my overall health. 

10 comments:

  1. What a struggle you have... all those meds must be a burden to take... keep well my friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Am trying, Bjorn, as my morning cocktail is eight different pills, that I take, mostly, to deal with my Type II diabetes.

      Delete
  2. It must be a burden, both to be on medication and not to enjoy food. I hope you overcome the food blockage and come to terms with the meds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do enjoy food, Jane, one of my positive signs, I'm out of depression, is the fact, I love to cook, making soups and various other vegetarian dishes, for myself and others.

      Delete
  3. Please take care of yourself.. you are in our prayers..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sanaa. it's just during the seasons of extreme weather, my bouts of depression occur., which winter and summer can be, in Canada.

      Delete
  4. This line

    " As if
    I'm punishing
    Myself."

    This is the truth.Fuck knows why some of us do this but we do. I understand this so well.The only answer is love and we have to keep on trying to find ways to give this to ourselves.Not easy I know but keep moving towards the love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paul, I know, why I hate myself, as it's tied up, with being an abuse survivor and being transgendered. Am working on loving myself, but it will take time, to repair the mental damage done, over the years, to me.

      Delete
  5. I have heard there is a yoga designed for depression just this afternoon. I don't know much about it, but I figured I'd pass that on. Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Am not surprise, Frank, as exercises of various types, have been used, in dealing with depression. Thank you, for sharing this, I do appreciate it/

      Delete

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