Tuesday, 15 November 2016

Falling Downwards (November 1, 2016)

My eyes are 
Becoming bleary
As the tears
Roll down.

Feelings 
Of guilt and shame
Wrack my soul.

As memories
Stream forth
Of another time
And place.

Where 
I found myself
Praying for death.

Despising myself
For being 
A freak.

Thoughts of death
Flood my mind
As everything
Become a weapon
To me.

Just wanting
The pain
To end.

By any means
Possible.

Even now
Should Death 
Embrace my body
I won't fight Her.

Rather
Just want my pain
To be over.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: Before the age of 12 years old, I have attempted suicide, several times, but failed, for various reasons. I haven't felt this down, hopeless and depressed, since the 2010/11 holiday season, when I made my last attempt. November, next to July (my second hardest), is the hardest month, emotionally, for me. Right now, I wish, I had my dad, to cry in his broad shoulders, and have him. give me, the emotional support, unconditionally. Something, my mom has never been able to do,

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry November is so hard on you. It is almost over and I hope December is better. How are your kitties Doing?

    ReplyDelete

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