Monday, 3 October 2016

The Long Good-bye (October 3, 2016)

I see 
How you look
At me.

Thinking
I don't noticed
Your scared 
Or nervous look
In your eyes.

Never mind
How your body language
Speaks differently
From the words
You express.

Don't you realize
This dichotomy 
Is hurting me.

As I struggle
With anxiety attacks
Pre- and post-meetings.

Despising 
Your self-lying
For it's hypocritical 
Nature.

In reality
You don't want
To be seen
Around me.

By anyone
Who knows us.

Scared
Of being labelled
The parent
Of a freak.

Go live 
Your isolated life
In the boonies.

Where 
No one knows
About me
And my transitional
Journey.

For I have
My own life
To live
As well.

As a woman
And not
As a man.

Which 
You have
Mistakenly believed
For the past 42 years.

This November
Will mark
The 4th anniversary
Of cutting you
Out of my life
Mom.

A move
Long overdue
By several decades.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note:  Three years ago, in late October, I tried to get my mom, to help me, in the purchase of a new winter jacket, as a combine birthday/Christmas present, for me. As my birthday falls, in February, and we don't see each other, due to the harsh winter conditions, around her rural Ontario home. For almost a week, she avoided responding to my request, until finally, I had enough, over a series of phone calls, laced with f-bombs, I told her, she was no longer, to have anything to do, with me. I didn't listen to any of her returned messages or have called/or written to her, since. Must admit, I feel very guilty, in breaking off, all contact, but she was holding me, in my healing process, and supporting my abusive brother, over me, when forced on the matter.

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