Sunday, 14 August 2016

The Urge To Purge (August 14, 2016)

As I look
My body over
An anger fills me.

At the cruel twist
Of fate.

I have been forced
To endure
Over my lifetime.

Knowing
I'm trapped
Within the wrong gender
And powerless
To change it.

Even though
Modern medicine 
Has advance
To the point.

Of giving me
A feminine appearing
Body.

Stopping short
Of a truly feminine body
Able to give birth
With a female reproductive
System.

Fighting
The very thoughts
That would end
My life.

By 
Permanently removing
My male genitalia.

As these depressive thoughts
Threaten
To overwhelm me
With the need 
To act out

And make this
My new reality.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: Wish, I could say, these feeling of self hatred towards my biological body, weren't so intense, that I want to self-harm myself, in correcting the disconnect, between the physical image that I present to the world, and the mental image, i have, of myself. And yes, like my chronic depression, these thoughts of self-harming are cyclical, in nature. Never aware, when they will arise and overcome me. 

To date, I have manage to contain these thoughts, but do know, the day will come, when I will be powerless to stop them, from happening. I have told my medical team, about these thoughts, and they're monitoring me, to see, if they get any worse.

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