Wednesday, 31 August 2016

By Any Means (August 31, 2016)

Each passing second
My mind drifts
Ever so
Further away.

As my ability
To concentrate
On anything
Fades.

Once
Was able 
To do things
With ease.

Now
Am struggling
To complete
Simplest of tasks.

As I move
Through life
Like a zombie.

Intermixing
High anxiety levels 
With sleep deprivation
On the busiest day
Of the month.

Month end.

Forced
To face crowds
In the malls
And public transit.

Fighting
In the trenches
With my mental
And physical illnesses
For the bare necessity
Of life.

Knowing
Otherwise
Hunger will exist
For the cats
And I.

As I launch 
Multiple small scale
Guerrilla raids.

Whenever
My body lets me
Upon the targeted 
Supermarkets
And small stores.

Allowing myself
Several grace days
For objective
Completion.

Thus
Ending
For another month
My tortured ordeal
Of grocery shopping.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: This month marks the 9th anniversary of my most severe panic attack, which lasted over 26 hours, before I was granted lease, from it. Since then, any situation that I find myself, surrounded by people, acts as a trigger, for anxiety attacks, and if I find myself, in a prolong exposure situation, the anxiety attack, becomes a full out panic attack. Something, I never want to experience, again, having survived 2 major panic attacks and several episodes of dissociation, during this period of time. 

5 comments:

  1. OH--the crowds! I couldn't face them when recovering from surgery, and what you describe is more difficult. Thank God for the cats who remind you they must be fed, who help you to conquer your fears and fill at least some of your needs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It certainly must make running errands and getting groceries difficult, Therisa. It must be a relief when it is all done!

    ReplyDelete
  3. There are obstacles against the smooth running of one's life. Having recognized them half the battle is won.Then tackle them at leisure. Yes, it gets lots easier after that!

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks for sharing this. Every step you make is a positive one.

    ReplyDelete
  5. A most touching and poignant write, Therisa ❤

    ReplyDelete

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