Tuesday, 10 May 2016

When The Past Bleeds Through (May 10, 2016)


www.groundedtraveler.com
A distant
And muffled knock
From the past.

Upon
A heavy door
I dare not open.

As fear
And self-loathing
Fill my soul
To overflowing.

In grabbing
Whatever
I can
To barricade it.

Still
It grows louder
In my mind.

As
The barriers collapse.

Leaving me
Reliving the abuse
All over
Again.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: For those, who don't know, I'm a survivor, of childhood abuse, by my younger brother. Even though, its been almost, a decade, since I last seen him, I still get these flashbacks, of the violence, he did, to my mom and I. For years, my mentally constructed doors, kept these memories, at a distance, until August 14, 2007, when a very severe panic attack, destroyed my defences, and these memories flooded me.

12 comments:

  1. Oh this poem says so very very much. Doors come down....the flooding can be devastating. Your strength shall shine through.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have sought healing programs, Lillian. Sadly, most programs in Canada, these day, are short based, which only offers a bandage solution, to the open heart surgery wounds. To use, a metaphor. Writing about, is one of my major ways of coping, as I have trouble, expressing myself, verbally, on this issue.

      Delete
  2. Therisa, I am so sorry for the violence you had to withstand. Sometimes the breaking down of doors allows us to build bridges, so something more hope-filled.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can safely, I can out alive, which, for many victims, isn't the case, as the various court trials and coroner inquests will attest to. Although these scars will take a long time, to full heal.

      Delete
  3. My heart goes out to you Therisa, big hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sanaa. I appreciate your offer.

      Delete
  4. I'm so sorry. I hope you finally find some peace and healing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a long and slow process, often accompanied, by setbacks, but right now, I can say, I'm enjoy a down cycle part of the flashbacks, which means, I'm not being triggered, by everything around, like I have been, in the past. Just have to be patience and gentle, with myself.

      Delete
  5. Abuse is something no one should suffer. My heart goes out to you. Doors are there to protect you but they often shut you in.

    ReplyDelete
  6. A terribly sad reconstruction of your experience the other side of that door.

    ReplyDelete
  7. SMiLes..
    doors to dance
    StiLL relieve
    me iN
    closeD
    of past..
    trust me
    not or yes..
    when i say..
    as Air Force
    Psychiatrist
    treating combat
    veterans can say..
    i've never
    seen a case
    of anxiety
    as bad as
    mine was
    and no noW
    longer iS
    iN noW..
    yeS..noW
    Miracles
    oF Dance..
    they do happen..
    but seriously..
    body keeps
    score.. to
    free A priSon
    oF iT iN iNterpretive
    free style NO LESsONs
    dance.. can bE A way
    out free
    of a priSon
    past
    iN mInd
    and body
    imBalance
    oF soUL..
    mY
    FriEnd..:)

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is so terribly sad, yet you came out alive which is the best part.. Violence at home is the worst.

    ReplyDelete

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