Tuesday, 31 May 2016

The Coming Out Party, Yeah Right. (May 31, 2016)

In my mind's eye
It unfolds
Like a tragic drama
In slow motion.

Knowing
It'll end
In broken emotions
And tears.

Wanting to scream
At myself:

"Stay away
From the apartment door
Don't open it!!"

At the sound
Of mom
Knocking
Unannounced
At my door.

Not expecting
Anyone
From my family.

Wearing
A navy blue floral skirt
And red t-shirt.

Fingers and toes
Painted
In Revlon Raven
(A dark shade of red).

And
Golden studs
Adoring my ears.

Did I
In answering
The door.

Not sure
Who was
More surprised.

Her
Or I.

Should have
Told her:

"Good-bye".

As I closed
The door.

Instead
I let her
Enter.

Thus
My descent
Into Hell
And madness.

In forcing
Myself
Out of the closet
Before I was ready.

As her trans-daughter
Who happens
To be
A lesbian.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: There is more, to this story, but I don't feel comfortable, in sharing it, right now. Safe, to say, I crashed and burned, emotionally and mentally, after this Canada Day long weekend, in 2006. Since, this incident, I have broken off, all ties, with my family, given my mom's transphobia and my brother's abusive behavior, over the years.

Wasn't the poem, I was expecting for my 2700th, but some things are beyond our control.

12 comments:

  1. Sorry you had to go through this but so glad you are moving along. Thank you for sharing this with us.

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  2. Therisa, again I so admire your honesty! Really a hard thing, I am sure, to write this poem. I am hoping you will find your own family of choice...making up for the loss of biological family.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Pretty complicated to tell one's family, specially when you are not ready to tell the world yet who you really are ~ I can't imagine the challenges and emotional upheaval but that is one memorable time, I am sure ~

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  4. The pain is raw and can be felt strongly in your lines..
    Powerfully penned.

    ReplyDelete
  5. How very difficult to not be accepted for you who are, by your own family, no less. I guess timing is so important. And the sense of e doesn't go away. Make me think how all of us, no matter who or how we are, need to learn to accept ourselves and be who we are first and foremost. Thank you for sharing.

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  6. Always glad when you can write your pain, therisa. It really does help.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Such a profoundly momentous day for you, Therisa. Your pain is palpable and I can see why you said that writing about it is still so difficult. As you bravely continue to process all that has happened, I wish you healing and joy.

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  8. So tragic.. that it had to come to a clash, but maybe it would not have mattered for your relationship if you had been prepared, but I guess you would not have fallen so far.

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  9. This is such an honest and breathtaking poem, and oh such a shame that you have had to cut ties with your family for your own sanity's sake. But you have to look after yourself, first and foremost. You are a strong woman. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

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  10. This is the truest of all poems IMO. To me, a poet "opens a vein" and let his/her heart "bleed" onto the page. No fear (even if you feel scared shitless), and honest as all get out! I admire the strength this admission possesses and you for writing it, therisa.

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  11. A similar issue
    in my family and
    a similar issue with
    A mother but a family
    member who values A
    mother over what is real
    other than A mother..
    some nows there
    just seems
    to be no good
    choices at all..
    raised in a society
    that cherishes symbols
    more instead of people real
    no matter who they are REAL..:)

    ReplyDelete
  12. "Heroes aren't made. They're cornered." - Redd Foxx
    If you're lucky, the flames of your hell will purify you, temper you, make you invincible.
    "Don't you know that you are free? Well, at least, in your mind, if you want to be." Stand, Sly and the Family Stone

    ReplyDelete

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