Saturday, 28 May 2016

My Butterfly Effect (May 28, 2016)

A simple mistake
In misreading
The 519* support group
Schedule.

Finding myself
Standing
Before
The wrong group.

Brimming full
With destructive anger
And corrosive pain
From mom's rejection.

Just two weeks
Previously
On the Canada Day
Long weekend.

Looking for
A safe shelter
To ease my burden
With those
Who would understand.

Timidly
I enter
The group room.

Only then
Did I realize
My blunder.

Shaking
Like an autumn leaf
In a September breeze.

I asked
The F2M group
For a kind ear
To listen to
My story.

As I released
The pent-up energy
In a healing circle.

Never realizing
Until later.

A simple "no"
From them.

And I
No longer
Among the living
That weekend.

Or graced
By the lasting
And healing friendship
Of Z.

This July
We'll celebrate
Ten years
Of this mistake.

Therisa © 2016

Author's note: After my mom's rejection of me, on Canada Day 2006, I had spun down, into the blackest depression, which, almost cost me, my life and job, at the time. With the help of Z, I have been rebuilding my life, ever since. Will admit, there are times, I feel overwhelm, by everything that has happened to me, especially, during the flashbacks, and crippling anxiety attacks.

*519: a community centre, in Toronto, that serves the needs of local residents and the LGBT+ community of the greater Toronto area. It's called, the 519, due to its address, 519 Church St, in the heart of Toronto's gay village.

14 comments:

  1. As I read this, your "mistake" to open your heart in the wrong room really was that turn of event that made your life change for the better... I'm glad anyway that the prompt triggered your inspiration.

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    Replies
    1. Than you, and your welcome, Bjorn. The trip, to the 519, marked my second time out of my apartment, that month. And yes, I was taht close, to ending it, all.

      Delete
  2. Few losses are felt as deeply as the ones that involved those we loved and trusted most. But life goes one--often too slow, but it still does. And the future is a great bringer of better things, of healing, of loving hearts... ♥

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Magaly, for your gentle and positive words. This is, the first time, I written about that fateful Friday, in July 2006. Having only spoken about this time, a few times, as well.

      Delete
  3. People often have no idea the difference it makes to hear a kind word from someone. I am so glad they welcomed you, that you have the support of a true friend, and that you remained among the living that weekend. You have much to contribute to the world.

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    Replies
    1. Sigh...Sherry, there are times, which I struggle, to stay, in the here and now, of my reality. But, finding Z, was the positive thing that has ever happened to me, in my lifetime.

      Delete
  4. Sometimes being in the wrong place at the wrong time can have surprisingly good results, but at other times it can set the hands of fate in motion. Rejection is the worst form of cruelty, especially when a person has asked for help and understanding.

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    Replies
    1. Sadly, Kerry, we have no control over how others will react to a given situation. For many, within the LGBT+ community, this is our most dangerous and vulnerable time, which Death is, just a step away.

      Delete
  5. Oh my gosh; this is awesome!!! It's a beautiful thing to find a lifelong friend in such an unexpected way/place.

    Great flow and line breaks. I especially like the suggestion, via the title, that your new friend helped turn you into a butterfly.

    (You have a teeny typo in "circle.")

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Jessa, for pointing out the typo, which I overlooked, as the result of my learning disability. The butterfly is, one of the symbols, that the trans-community has adopted,as its own, for the transformation of one's body and soul.

      Delete
  6. Thank God for small miracles in the shape of errors!

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  7. You remind us that connections are so important and how we can still find them even in the unlikeliest places.

    Donna@LivingFromHappiness

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  8. Some times a wrong turn leads to adventure; if you have the heart for its lessons

    my butterfly poem

    much love...

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  9. Sometimes the best of friends come from the most unexpected places. :)

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