Saturday, 9 January 2016

The Road Taken (January 8, 2016)



Never thought
I would be
Looking back
In a positive way.

On losing
My apartment
And ending up
In a homeless shelter.

Knowing
I can laugh
About it
Now.

Never realizing
How big
Of a barrier
Moving to Toronto
Would be.

Physically
And psychologically
In my liberation
Of you
Mom.

In beginning
My life
Anew
As a woman.

No longer
Needing to hide
In the darkest gender closet
Filled with fear
Of being discovered.

Will admit
I wasn't prepared
For the culture shock
That greeted me
At the woman's homeless shelter.

Struggling
With chronic anxiety attacks
And depression
In a brutal environment
Like a fish
Out of water.

Especially
Being pre-everything
In regards
To my transitioning.

Beyond knowing
My true name
Therisa.

Taking extra precautions
So no one saw
My ugly male body.

Unless
Fully dressed.

Dreading
Someone would see
Or react
To me
As a male.

Knowing
I wouldn't survive
In a man's homeless shelter
Without being raped
Or brutally beaten up.

Never
Feeling safe.

Until
I had my own apartment
Again.

To further
My self-exploration
Of the feminine side.

Learning
My true self.


Therisa © 2016


Author Note: June 3, 2007, found myself, at the front door, of a woman's homeless shelter, in downtown Toronto, with a suitcase and duffel bag, filled with woman's clothing. Interesting enough, my mom never asked me, if I wanted to move out, to the country, until I got myself, back on my feet, again. A move, in retrospective, would have signed my death warrant, given her negative reaction, to coming out to her, as a trans-lesbian. Being forced to be dependant on her, for transportation for all of my medical appointment.

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